


'Til the day I die

by Erisandmira



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Have Issues (Naruto), Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Insanity, Sakura is not okay, Suicide, Time Loop, Time Travel, Violent Deaths, when she...um....feels better?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21879463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erisandmira/pseuds/Erisandmira
Summary: In which Sakura gets another chance - and another and another. Not that she sees it that way.“Don't bring tomorrow because I can't take another,” Sakura whispers, feeling so terrible tired that she wants to cry.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 397
Kudos: 704
Collections: Konoha Collection, Mixed_Fics, Naruto bests, Strong BAMF Sakura





	1. Prologue

When Sakura wakes up in her twelve-year-old body, she screams, loud and desperately. She screams and screams and screams because – _fire everywhere, death everywhere and she is couldn’t breath and it’s just **so** painful._

Death comes quicker than you wish and Sakura Haruno does not drift away peacefully. A medical-nin is trained to avoid getting injured in any way, because if they are injured, then there would be nobody to heal the other members of their team. Sakura, who mastered the Strength of a Hundred Technique, fights in front lines and the medical tents.

No medic ninja shall ever die until they are the last of their platoon, and Sakura keeps healing until there are no one left to heal. She keeps fighting, because beneath her lies woman and men of courage, who fought valiantly but now lay slain. Each dawn she awakes for them and face the storm.

_(Several years have rotted away and she have never felt so alone.)_

She wanted so badly to fight until there was no more enemies to fight, but in the end, she wounds up with deep gashes to her legs, arms and neck. Six broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Severe intra-abdominal bleeding. A crushed spleen. Perhaps a subdural hematoma too, she had certainty hit her head hard enough to earn one.

The accumulation those injuries could have killed her given enough time, but Uchiha Madara was impatient and cut her head off.

Huh.

How odd that she could still scream without a head. Her hands moves to touch her neck, her head and body, all still attached together. She still screams, because it’s not her body. It has none of her scares, her muscles or her efforts. Screams and screams and screams because something – everything was wrong.

“..ku!”

“..eeti-….poor…Sak-“

She _died_ , so why is she breathing? Could she just…stop?

She wraps her hands around her neck, infusing chakra and then –

-

_Sakura closes her eyes and see Naruto there on the front line. Full of life, shining so brightly, that she and everyone else hang on to him with everything they had. Sakura’s eyes are too fogged to see the light, her mind too cluttered to think right, but Naruto a force of nature that is impossible to ignore._

_Bang_

_Screams_

_Bang_

_It was such an awful sound._

_Naruto yells loudly, “I'm not gonna run away, I never go back on my word!” drowning out the sound of death and pain for just a moment. God, how she loves him for it._

* * *

Sakura wakes up again, but at the same time, she _doesn’t_. Sitting on the bed, Sakura breaths purely out of reflexes and observes the world, confused. She doesn’t know how much time had elapsed, her perception feels strange. Much like her mind. She sees things that is not there, because she shouldn’t be there. The same scene plays each day. Her ( _not_ ) mother helps her eat her breakfast, sometimes she would also clean Sakura’s body, slowly as if afraid any sudden movement would make her screech in terror ( _it would_ ). Then her ( _not_ ) father sits her in a wheelchair and push her around outside the garden for a couple of hours, so she can benefit from the fresh air or something.

It didn’t feel real, so Sakura didn’t respond. She hopes that if she ignores the oddness around her, it would just fade away. That she would just fade away. She feels calm only when she is back in what appears to her room, under the several covers, safe for the everything.

Sakura is rocking back and forth when the routine changes. The door to her room opens, slowly, as if the person on the other side hesitates to enter. A young girl arrives, with long ( _pretty_ ) blonde hair worn in a ponytail and kind eyes.

It takes a moment before Sakura’s eyes manages to focus, to identify what the lines and shapes and colors before her mean. The name is on the tip of her tongue, but it won't come to out.

The girl stands in the doorway and watches her for a moment that seems to stretch on forever. Then, softly, the blonde says, “….billboard brow?”

Sakura blinks a few times. Finally, she whisperers: “Go away” in a weak tone as she slowly turns the other way and cuddles under her sheets. It was the first words she had said since – since _dying_.

But Ino never liked being ignored, so she tries again, less careful, “Hey…I thought I already explained that trying to hide is stupid when you have a billboard brow.”

It was a poor attempt at humor, lacking Ino’s usual fire when insulting Sakura, far too half-heartily. And yet, it sounds so real. Sakura shifts slightly and peers out at her through her sheet. Ino rewards her with a smile, a strange mixture between uncertainty and smugness colors it. Her old friend makes her way to the bed, sitting down at the edge. Close enough for Sakura to feel her presence, close enough to touch.

“You look ridiculous,” Ino says, “Absolutely ridiculous, Sakura.”

Ino visits her every day after that. She talks a lot, even though Sakura rarely responds. The blonde complains about her lazy teammates, her sensei and the weather. Sometimes she gushes about the newest fashion or cute boys she has seen. Ino laughs and jokes, Sakura just nods his head, thankful that Ino’s voice is drowning the sound of the war – of Sakura’s death. She is graceful Ino keeps coming, but she doesn't quite realize it before Ino stops.

For two weeks, Sakura lies on her bed, getting more agitated by the minute, anxiously waiting…waiting and waiting. When Ino finally returns, Sakura throws her pillow at her. Then, her books, pens and anything she can get her hands on. Much like her first day in this prolonged death, Sakura screams. Only this time her actually words are formed, cruel and callous words. She calls Ino a traitor, a villain, a liar and hundred different cursing words so terrible that twelve-year-old girls shouldn’t know them.

Ino pets her head and sings her meaningless songs, cuddling safe with her under the bed sheets… and Sakura eventually fall asleep.

The next day, her room is filled with Orchids, Tulips and Carnations.

“Ino…I’m so sorry,” Sakura looks down, not able to meet Ino’s eyes.

Ino does not hesitate in forgiving her, “Me too, I didn’t think the mission would last this long.”

Biting her lips, Sakura strives to be worthy of that forgiveness, that endless kindness Ino keeps giving her. She forces a smile, “I’m the one who overreacted…pig.”

“Who're you calling pig you billboard brow?!" Ino grins immediately.

As the days and months passed by, Sakura grows accustomed to the odd state of being. She was still in the process of dying, she thinks, but things were different now. Before things had been… complicated … painful. Now Ino was here and Sakura remembers the way Ino hair shined through the sunny day, remembers being with how being with her washed away her fears. Sakura is dying and she is grateful her mind is conjuring up Ino.

It is in this state of contentment that reality came crashing back. 

Sakura’s (not) mother came to her room. “Sweetie, I need you to get dressed now,” she says looking more anxious then Sakura ever remembers seeing her. Her (not) father is not there, and the smell of fire and blood fills the air.

Sakura’s breathing starts becoming more rapidly. “Mother… W-What’s going on?” she asks her. Her mother smiles as she touches Sakura’s head. _I love you_ , she mouths as the sound outside becomes louder and louder. Mrs Haruno looks so gentle, so caring ( _so real_ ). Sakura wants to nestle in her arms and be held like child. Wants comfort and warmth, so badly she almost cries. She can’t remember last time she cried in her mother’s arms ( _maybe when Sasu- he left?)._

Sakura is in the process of dying – but she dies again, much earlier than her first life, when Orochimaru invades the village.

The roof of her house collapses upon them.

* * *

_Sakura navigates through masses of rotting corpses carelessly piled atop each other. Their flesh was torn, wrecked and twisted; looking more like squashed insects than fallen humans. The foul, rotting stench of decay festered in the air, almost making Sakura’s stomach lurch and beckoning flies to cautiously hover in midair nearby._

_Where is he? Please, please God, let him be alive._

* * *

The third-time Sakura wakes up in her twelve-year-old body, she is a little bit calmer, a little more rational. She brings her shaking hands together and whispers, “Kai,” and she says it again and again. She is still twelve, weak and in her childhood bedroom.

When she finally leaves her room, still scared and confused, her mother sends her a concern glance, her father smiles absentmindedly - and suddenly Sakura wonders if she has the chance to make things right. She can save her parents and Ino and Sai - she can save the village, save the world, save _Naruto_.

Then she remembers a red moon and a lie cast upon the world. This could not be real. She would not allow herself to be enslaved in a dream, no matter how sweet it is. If there is even a slightest chance that she could still fight and **kill** her enemies, she would take it ( _even if I’m alone_?).

She had to march on, because that was what soldiers did. Naruto would want her to fight ( _Naruto is gone, everyone is gone_ ), so she had to.

There are several ways to combat genjutsu, the illusion technique dissipation wasn’t working, but maybe pain would. The Infinite Tsukuyomi is a powerful, powerful genjutsu and breaking it will not be easy. Sakura knows how the body works, knows how to heal and how to break.

( _The weapon of the mind, chiseled hard by blood, death and war_ )

“Sakura,” her mother says, “you okay sweetie?”

“She probably just worried about the Genin exam, isn’t that right?” her father says, as he looks up from reading the paper. He looks younger than she remembers, happier too. Once, before the war, he had joked that that he had aged twice as fast this last years ( _because of her?_ ).

Genin Exams. Sakura blinks. Oh. She was not a genin yet. Good, she is not certain if this fabricated world follows the same rules as her, but leaving the village is a lot easier without the Missing-Nin- stamp.

Pain, is the way out, and the moment Sakura put some distance between her and disturbing elements, she experiments. 

Kunai-stabs probably wouldn’t do anything, Sakura knows this, but she tries anyway. Being crushed alive didn’t break her free either, so she avoids similar stuff. First, she tries see if simple sensations like fire or acid is enough to shock her out of this illusion. Then she tries more creative methods: Ripping off her own nails. Poison that scalds her genitals. Heating up a softer metal until it was liquid, putting it in a bowl, and then pour it inside her own ear canal. It burns off the flesh inside her ear, making her deaf and disfigured on that side. Gouging her own eyes out. Unfortunately, while she is knowledgeable enough to avoid dying of the infection, she is in too much pain to fight off the bear. Note to herself, being eating alive doesn’t work either.

* * *

_The inferno is extinguished, leaving behind a dark residue that infested the soil with blood and sorrow. No longer could the clangor of the kunai be heard and the shouting of the slaughter was silenced; a hush rested over the crimson-stained field._

_In the midst of the mass destruction, slaughter and ruin, a lone boulder stretches defiantly towards the sky. And beneath it, a body, still; as in death. Naruto lies like a doll over the ground, limbs at awkward angles and head held in such a way that he cannot be sleeping. That figure, once the sun of Sakura’s existence, is now an abandoned shell left to rot in the open._

_She steps closer and barely notices her own sanity dissolving into the surrounding darkness._

_A man, with blood and chaos swirling in eyes, regards her. He does not move, almost as still as Naruto. His sword is dripping with blood and he looks a little annoyed that Sakura is here, interrupting._

_Then again, Sasuke always looks a little annoyed when he is looking at her._

* * *

The fourth-time Sakura wakes up on the eve of her Genin exam, she feels **furious.**

( _I built shrines in my eyes to you_ )

And this time, it was not herself she intends to kill.


	2. Not insane

Sakura was no stranger to insanity, she had brushed past it often enough in her work, curing and inducing it in unequal measures. Yet, it had never been something she had seriously applied when describing herself. As she grew older she became more aware that her folly lied in her capacity of self-deception, which had led her to love senselessly and _dangerously_. Her crush on Sasuke, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say her crush on the idea of Sasuke, had been far from sane. She regretted how she had allowed it to mutate her heart for so many years, but she could proudly say that she learned from it and grew pass it.

Sakura is a rational, level-headed and sensible person.

And yet, she felt something was slipping right now and she was almost falling – would certainly fall if she didn’t grip _something_.

She had died and died and died and died. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Sakura Haruno was _not_ insane. So, she needed to consider the two other options; she either was stuck in a genjutsu or stuck in time.

She has already explored the genjutsu option, but her past efforts only allowed her to conclude that if this was a genjutsu, it was incredibly hard to escape. Her knowledge in the art was admittedly limited, despite her innate talent, she never really got the chance to study it thoroughly. She doubted this genjutsu would include instructions on how break free from it, but she still made a mental note to investigate it later.

If this was real, if she was truly back in time…. A part of Sakura wanted nothing more than to tear down the village to search for Naruto, throw her arms around his shoulders and protect him from all that wanted to hurt him, but the other part of her was absolutely terrified by the idea. Time-travel was not possible and this time-loop reeked of torture genjutsu.

She should not get her hope up.

However, genjutsu or not, killing Sasuke could only be beneficial, to her mood and the world. 

A white-hot searing fever coursed through her veins and pushed her forward even as her body protested. Sweat rolled down her skin in thick, salty beads. A tendril of pink hair had come loose from her coiled braids and clung damply to her neck, it made her skin itch and her irritation surge. Her breathing was rough and ragged and she felt her heart pounding so hard in her chest that she was half amazed her sternum hadn’t cracked open.

Between the pain and the numbness spreading from her feet, it was obvious that she was reaching her limit. Exhausted, Sakura hoisted herself onto a window on a civilian apartment building, it was just wide enough to perch on. She tucked her head down behind her knees to muffle her irregular breathing – because she would hurl herself to the ground before falling so badly at stealth that _civilians_ noticed her presences.

Pathetic. Utterly, **infuriatingly** , ridiculously pathetic.

At this rate, she would kill herself long before she ever reached Sasuke’s apartment.

How could her stamina possibly be this horrible? Sure, she had been moving relatively fast, but she had channeled a generous amount of chakra to her legs to lessen the strain on her muscles, and yet she was nowhere near covering a quarter of the needed ground. Not to mention how many times she had come close to falling off those buildings she was jumping between because she kept misjudging the reach of her legs.

Sakura inwardly screamed at her body for a minute: her small, weak twelve-year old body.

If this truly was a genjutsu, which Sakura was beginning to hope it was, she would kindly tell the creator that he/she has greatly exaggerated Sakura’s pre-genin weakness, right after she beat the living daylights out of them, of course.

_(“You are terrifying,” Naruto grinned down at her, poking her cheek with his toe, “very, very terrifying, Sakura-chan!”)_

Sakura inhaled and let her breath out slowly, relaxing as she did so. Naruto was damn right. She is _terrifying_ and genjutsu or not, she would kill her enemies. If her body wasn’t up for the task yet, then her mind would have to pick up the slack.

Charging into Sasuke’s apartment and murdering him in cold blood would probably earn her a private audience with Ibiki Morino. The thought brought a shiver that coursed down her body. Not to mention how degrading it would be to be tortured by her own village for killing a traitor like Sasuke. No, murdering Sasuke would have to wait until she was certain she could get away with it. Sakura is a rational, level-headed and sensible person. Therefore, she would not rush into something before thinking it through.

-

After returning home to shower and change clothes, Sakura hurried to the academy, barely making in time for the exam. Even with aching muscles and a mild chakra exhaustion, she predictably did better on the exam this time.

Her teachers congratulated her warmly and handed her a forehead protector, which did not fail to invoke a small sense of accomplishment despite Sakura being a veteran ninja who have gone toe to toe with legends. Perhaps it was because the forehead protector was a symbol of her fealty to the village. It felt good to have it again, although she hadn’t realized she missed it before clutching it in her hands again.

She beamed at Mizuki-sensei, a savage and bloodthirsty grin that displayed her teeth, “I vow to serve faithfully and… _slaughter_ anyone who doesn’t.”

Mizuki-sensei blinked, visibly uncertain on how to react to her declaration. She skipped away happily before he could gather his wits enough to reply. She raced down the hall, hoping to catch Ino before her friend meet up with her family. 

Fortunately, Sakura spotted the familiar blonde ponytail, swing from side to side, just outside of the academy.

“Ino! Wait up,” Sakura forced herself to jog, ignoring how her legs screamed in protest.

The blonde turned around, placing a hand on her hips and glaring at Sakura, “What.”

For a split second, Sakura felt deeply hurt and confused, why was Ino acti- _oh_. Not for the first time and certainly not the last, Sakura inwardly cursed Sasuke…and herself. Right. Rivals. Ending precious friendships over a guy. Still, deservingly or not, it felt wrong to have Ino glaring at her like this.

An urge to please and impress Ino (not unlike the one Sakura felt when she was child) rushed through Sakura, making words leave her mouth in a clumsy manner, “Well...umm, I-I was hoping that, maybe, seeing as we are kunoichis now…I was hoping we could…” Sakura trailed off lamely.

Ino frowned, a confused look entering her eyes, “We could what?”

Sakura glanced down, embarrassed at how much of a wreck she was acting. This was ridiculous. Straightening her back, Sakura said, “I was hoping we could be friends again.”

“Are you joking?” Ino shot her an incredulous look, “ _You_ want to be _friends_ again?”

The sheer disbelief made Sakura wince. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, Sakura spoke quietly, “We’re entering a dangerous occupation from today on. It has made me realize that I could _lose_ you, “ Sakura resolutely pushed down the horrid memories that attempted to surge up, “and I don’t want either of us to leave this world without – I want you know that I’ll **raze** those who would dare to hurt you to the ground.”

“…wow, that pretty dark, billboard brow, “ Ino shook her head, “and presumptuous, as if I would die first,” she bit her lower lip, her eyes examining Sakura, “What about Sasuke?” 

“You are more important,” Sakura said, and would have thrown in that so is a trashcan, but she didn’t want to shock her friend too much.

Ino was silent for a moment, her face carefully blank, before a small smile bloomed on her face, “I can’t argue against _that_.”

Sakura grinned and offered her hand, “Friends?”

“How about almost-friends, I would like a free trial period, so I can assess your reliability and decide if I want to fully invest again,” Ino said as she took her hand, her tone was teasing, but Sakura wouldn’t blame Ino for harboring doubts.

Still, she casted Ino a mischievous smile as she spoke, “I hope the trial includes favors, because I was hoping you could give me haircut.”

-

Sakura entered the classroom leisurely the next day, instinctively tilting her head to dodge an object falling from the door. The eraser landed on the floor with in a white puff. She blinked, belatedly remembering that it had been part of Naruto’s prank.

“Sakura-chan!” Naruto yelled in equal parts excitement and bewilderment, “You’re late! Iruka-sensei was very worried, ´cause you are never late and Sasuke thought you were having cold feet, but I didn’t believe it, and I told him so, can you believe we have to be on the same team as him? Wait, you weren’t here for the announcement, the three of us are teammates,” Naruto paused, looking at her with big blue eyes, “you cut your hair!”

Something warm curled up inside Sakura, happy and loud, and it softened the edges of her smile as she looked at Naruto. And at that moment she couldn’t help but to pray that this was real. She had truly missed her little ray of sunshine. It felt unbearably cruel to consider him an illusion, especially when he moved to circle around her in a comedic fashion that was so Naruto – his arms were flailing in all directions as he looked at her hair.

Unable to resist, she reached out a hand to claps his shoulder, so that she could feel him as well as see and hear him. Naruto’s body tensed and he glanced at her with something that looked too much like panic. Her heart tightened and she hated, **hated** everything that had contributed to him reacting like that (including herself). With a sad smile, Sakura said, “It looks nice, right?”

Naruto quickly nodded his head, “You always look pretty Sakura-chan,” his smile brilliant and earnest and familiar and well-creased like an oft –marked page of a favorite book. Sakura so was glad to see it again.

“Thank you, Naruto-kun,” Sakura squeezed his shoulder before letting go, her eyes flicking to the other occupant of the classroom.

Sasuke was sitting at the front desk next to the door with his hands clasped tight together and his knuckles resting on his chin. He looked as unimpressed and broody as she remembered. She stared, fury and hatred narrowing her world down to only him in a short moment. He glanced away unaffected, clearly not find anything suspicious about Sakura staring at him. She briefly entrained the idea of convincing Sasuke that her love-sick behavior so far actually was homicidal impulses disguised as a crush.

“-hy are you late?” Naruto asked.

She returned her attention to him, smiling sweetly, “I had a little of an accident this morning, nothing serious, but it caused me a lot of delays.”

Because as much as Sakura had missed Ino, getting her hair cut was not the true reason she had invited herself to Yamanaka house. She had limited ninja equipment, her kunais and shurikens were dainty little things that desperately needed sharpening and she only owned _three_ explosive tag. Sometimes, Sakura wondered how she ever survived leaving the village, even with her teammates help.

Ino had a wonderful collection of poisonous flowers and her home had the necessary equipment to extract poison and antidotes. Much of the afternoon had been spent giggling and prepared a half decent kit. Also, antidote or not, immunity against the poison you carry is fundamental, thus Sakura being late.

Naruto accepted her explanation, moving to place the eraser back between the door and its fame again. He cheerfully explained that prank, voicing that she was awesome for not falling for it, but that he hoped to get their new sensei.

Sasuke scoffed, “ _Sakura_ didn’t fall for it, there is no way any self-respecting shinobi will either.”

Of course, Kakashi-sensei completely lacked self-respect (the man read _porn_ in public) and only smiled benignly underneath his mask when the eraser hit his head. The sliver haired man even allowed Naruto a moment to laugh unrestrainedly and loudly before proclaiming he hated them all and to meet him on the roof.

Sakura rocked back and forth on her heels, considering the unconcerned manner Sasuke had insulted her, like he didn’t expect her to take offence. He probably hadn’t meant it to be insulting, no, because that would requirement him give her a certain amount of consideration. Sasuke never really thought about her when hurting her. She was just collateral, too insignificant to warrant even intent.

_I will kill you and eat you raw_ , Sakura thought, before opening a window and _walking_ up the building. Naruto’s astonished shouting quickly reached her ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos so far, I really appreciate it! I even re-read lots of the comments when writing this chapter to motivate myself :D I hope you guys are staying safe <3 please let me know what you think about this chapter ;D


	3. Teammates

Kakashi-sensei tilted his head when Sakura finally reached the roof - the only sign of surprise the man allowed to slip through his usually nonchalant appearance. He was perched on the railing not far from where she was standing, holding a Icha Icha book and seemingly very engrossed in its pages. Despite the trembling in her muscles, Sakura elegantly flipped herself over the railing, biting back the low whimper of pain that was climbing up her throat.

A few seconds past before Sakura realized Kakashi-sensei had no intention of acknowledging her presence. So, with forced casualness, she sat down. She uncertain how much time passed before Naruto and Sasuke arrived, but she was certain that she saw Kakashi-sensei briefly glancing down at her in puzzlement from the corner of her eye.

It was a testimony to how well she knew the man that she could immediately interpret that brief look; he was impressed that she had remained silent. Between that and her casual use of Chakra Adhesion, he must be re-evaluating his opinion of her. Which, despite not having exchanged a single word with her, was undoubtedly low since she was _kunoichi_ with no clan background.

Sakura never really succeed in convincing herself that her teacher thought of her as someone worthwhile, seeing as he never invested time in training her, but at least she got good at pretending like it didn’t hurt, so there that.

“SAKURA-CHAN!” Naruto loud yelling interrupted her self-pity session, the blonde boy ran towards her with a wide grin, “that was aaaaaamazing! You can walk up walls like grown up ninja, you know, like those with the masks that keep butting in my pranks! That’s so super cool!”

“Thank you,” she smiled at him even though his yelling made her ears hurt.

Naruto altered between singing her praise and loudly speculating just how many pranks he could pull off with such an ability. Watching him jumping up and down, Sakura was acutely reminded that he would summon frogs at one point and fought the urge to laugh.

Sasuke’s dark gaze lingered on her for a while before he said, in rather accusing manner, “We didn’t learn that in the academy.”

Coolly, she met his eyes, “Very _observant_.”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

She smirked.

Naruto’s head darted back and forth between them as if watching a ping-pong match, letting out a confused; “Eh, eh, ehhhh?”

Kakashi-sensei cleared his throat, what was visible of his face crinkled up in a smile as he said, “Ah, young love.”

It was hard to determine which one of them that looked most outraged, but Naruto was certainly the one that protested the loudest. Sakura sent Kakashi-sensei a truly venomous glare, which he was unfairly unbothered by.

“So, let’s move on to the introductions, “ the older man said cheerfully, “Likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams about the future?”

Naruto went first, “I’m Naruto Uzumaki! What I like is ramen, especially the kind at the Ichiraku Ramen shop. What I dislike is the three-minute wait after you pour in the boiling water. My hobbies are eating different types of ramen and compering them. And my dreams...my dream is to be the next Hokage!” Naruto finished the declaration by jumping up and pointing a finger to the sky, “And I’m going to get the whole village to acknowledge my existence.”

Her heart clenched in her chest – in anger and in pain, because that was ridiculous depressing thing to say, yet Naruto proclaimed cheerfully.

“My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I have a lot of dislikes, but no likes in particular. What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality: I’m going to restore my clan and _kill_ a certain man.”

Silence greeted Sasuke’s statement, much like it did in Sakura’s memories, but the boy himself seemed unaffected by it. For a split-second, Sakura could have sworn he shot her a challenging look, one saying ‘try topping that’, but while Sakura could buy Sasuke being that _petty_ , she could also admit her dislike might be warping her vision.

And yet, when Naruto and Kakashi-sensei turned to her expectantly, she felt almost obligated to say something impressive. Lifting her head high, she gave them a sharp smile, “I’m Sakura Haruno. I like puzzles and reading, I **hate** traitors. My hobbies consist of doing what I like. My dream…,” she trailed off, because ‘breaking free of this potential genjutsu’ was not an answer she wanted to share, “my dream is to become the world’s greatest genjutsu master.”

Kakashi-sensei tilted his head again and this time Sakura couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy.

But it proved unnecessary, for Kakashi-sensei moved on to talking about his test for them tomorrow. The words ‘sixty six present failure rate’ and ‘don’t eat breakfast’ lingering ominously in the air, at least for Naruto and Sasuke. Sakura, on the other hand, felt an idea take root.

She turned towards Naruto the second Kakashi-sensei disappeared. Smiling brightly, she asked, “Do you want to join me prepare for tomorrow? I can teach you Chakra Adhesion."

Naruto nodded so eagerly she was half-worried his head would fall off, “Yeah! That is an awesome idea, but, eh, charkram what?”

She blinked, observing Naruto’s bashful expression for a few seconds before remembering the abysmal education Naruto has been subjected to so far. Her fists clenched, but her expression softened, “Chakra Adhesion. It how I walked up the wall.”

Naruto’s expression rippled – something fragile flashing in his eyes before disappearing again. He looked down, going still. “You would teach me that? Really?” Naruto asked quietly.

And Sakura couldn’t talk, she couldn’t even breath in fear of worsening the pain in her chest, so, she nodded.

When Naruto’s smile surfaced, Sakura felt the pain wane, but not disappear. Guilt refused to leave her, especially when she had ulterior motives for her kindness. Naruto let out a joyful yell and she allowed herself to bask in it.

Predictably, Sasuke intruded. The sullen Uchiha heir had been pretending he wasn’t watching them, weighting cons and pros of joining the conversation, and spoke when his annoyance tipped the scales, just as Sakura knew he would. “Hn. As if that would be enough for you two to pass.”

Naruto protested in outrage, “Teme! You’re just jealous because you can’t do it!”

The words made Sasuke’s face twitch, which Naruto definitely noticed, for he smugly continued, “Tomorrow you’ll be the only one of us that can’t do it.”

She forced back a smile. Naruto was playing his part so perfectly that one could be fooled into thinking he was in on her plan.

“Actually,” Sakura plastered a hopeful smile on her face, “I was thinking on asking if you want to join us Sasuke, it could be a team-bonding exercises.”

She ignored Naruto’s complains on ‘why they had to include that bastard’ just as she ignored the impulse to roll her eyes when Sasuke agreed after an absurd performance of reluctance.

-

They went to a training ground not far from her home. It had plenty of trees they could practice on and the proximity to her house meant she could bring food, which was all the convincing Naruto needed. She patiently explained the mechanism of the technique to Naruto on their way there and throw in some basic charka information for good measure. Naruto listen eagerly and asked many questions once he realized she didn’t mind. Sasuke was mostly silent, only offering a few scathing comments on Naruto’s ignorance, which pissed Sakura off immensely.

Fortunately, her little ball of sunshine was not easily dishearten, but Sakura did not appreciate Sasuke’s sabotaging her attempts on creating a healthy learning environment where Naruto could feel secure in asking all the things he wondered.

The knowledge that Sasuke would soon be unable to do anything of that sort again was the only thing keeping her temper at bay.

Reluctantly, she agreed on a sparring session first, but only because it was Naruto who insisted. She tried hard not to be insulted when both of her teammates gave her identical surprised looks when she offered to go first.

“You don’t have to Sakura-chan, I don’t want you to ge-“ Naruto had enough sense to stop talking when her glare turned almost lethal.

Sasuke, on the other hand, possessed as much tact as he did compassion. He made derisive sound and said, “Fine. Let’s get it over with.”

Sakura cracked her knuckles in reply, a sneer marring her face. “Bring it on.”

Sakura had more experience fighting, more knowledge, more skills and more importantly, she wanted to hit Sasuke, _badly_. However, it was easier said than done.

They assumed fighting positions, eying each other warily, though Sauske gaze grow more arrogant the longer he looked at her. Gritting her teeth, Sakura decided to take the initiative. Channeling a chakra to her legs, she quickly closed the distance between them, surprising Sasuke with fist rapidly moving towards his face. He nimbly side-stepped the attack, knocking her elbow aside, veering her off track, and his hand flashed down to hit the back of her neck in a blow that would end the match if she did not move.

She barely managed to roll out of the way.

The rosette gritted her teeth, her fist should have punched his face before he could even form a thought of attack, but the chakra channels in her body were underdeveloped. Too small and slow for her to direct chakra as she wished. It did not matter she knew how and where to direct it, nor that she had perfect control, because it meant nothing without enough practice to craft the necessary chakra pathways.

They traded blows, twirled around each other in a flurry of kicks and punches. Sakura was at clear disadvantage. The only reason she hadn’t lost yet was because she could direct enough chakra to make up for most of her physical limitations and she could anticipate Sasuke’s moves.

A kick in the stomach sent her flying after she miscalculated her reach and she cursed her limps for being too goddam short. 

Sakura hated feeling weak, hated _being_ weak even more. This body was impractical mess of gangly limbs and soft skin, and its every inadequacy made worst by the fact that it was _hers_. She had grown so used to belong inside a trim muscular body with calloused hands and aching scars, so how could she possible feel home in such a crampy and delicate form?

Sharp pain ripped through her as she once again strained herself while pushing her body to do _more_. At once her skin felt too tight, memories of former strength and competence bursting inside her, ready to tear through skin if need be. And yet, the only thing that leaked out was blood was her blood as she hit the ground once again.

It felt like she was fighting her body as well as Sasuke.

Said opponent was pinning her to the ground and the fact that he was breathing heavily was only a small comfort since she was gasping for air and every muscle in her body screamed in pain.

“Yield?” Sasuke asked, a kunai pressed against her throat.

She growled, but could not muster the breath to reply.

Naruto jogged towards them, his gaze shadowed with worry as he hovered over her, his concern obvious, “Sakura-chan, are you okay?”

She nodded, then reached out a hand so he could pull her up. He smiled brightly after pulling her back at her feet, “That was awesome! You really are amazing,” he said earnestly.

She forced herself to grin, “Not enough it would seem,” she poked his nose, “Avenge me, ‘kay?”

Naruto’s face immediately turned serious, he nodded grimly, “Teme will fall.”

Sakura left then to their battle, promising to bring food but doubt they heard her immersed as they were with bricking.

“Just..just wait a little.”

“Hehe, Sakura really did a number on you, neh?”

“Hn. I’m the one who won.”

_And you should have killed me_ , Sakura thought, _while you had the chance._

Sakura walked home sluggishly, the adrenaline seeping out of her body and leaving her a tired husk. She hopped Naruto and Sasuke could keep each other entertained long enough. The mixture she was planning to make needed a little time. She had fortunately acquired all the flowers she needed when she visited Ino yesterday, seeing as this particular poison was one of her top candidates for her plan to deal with Sasuke.

It was technically not a poison, it was pretty harmless when indigested in most cases. Few people knew how to arrange the circumstances that would make it lethal. Which would make it hard for anyone to trace it back to her. Not to mention it would take time before Sasuke died from it, thus less reason for anyone to suspect her.

Her hands felt clammy when she handed her teammates the lunch, and something close to anxiety churned in her stomach. The sound of their posturing and complaining almost drowned out her pounding heartbeat as she led them through the tree climbing exercise. She allowed them carry on until the twilight, chakra exhaustion amplified the toxicity of her poison and if she allowed it to work bit by bit, Sasuke would be gone in a couple of months. She just needed to find ways to encourage him engage in activities that stimulated growth of chakra passages. The breakdown of the enzyme produced by the cells to facilitate such processes will be slightly increased by her poison. Giving time to hoop up in the blood, and reduce the capacitate of the liver, which is responsible of get rid of those particular waste products, and bingo: death.

She would need to go on with this carefully, but she would not failed. She was not fully convinced she wasn’t in a genjutsu, but ridding this world of Sasuke would be a weight of her shoulders. This Naruto would never be killed by someone he considered his best friend, in fact, he would not be killed by anyone if Sakura had any say in it.

-

Exhausted, she fell into a fitful sleep that night. In her dreams, there was a lot of blood on her hands and her knuckles dirty and gritty and she never felt more herself. When the world morphed into nightmares, sickening in their simplicity, Sakura screamed and screamed because, _because_ its only her, completely alone with no one to hear her. She stumbled and dragged herself through an endless space, so isolated and so confused. When she finally found someone, a person who looked at her with the same startled disbelief burning inside her, she almost wept with joy. 

Her hand reached out but the touch that greeted her was cold and slippery. It took a few more attempts before she realized that she was touching a mirror, and even then, the disbelief only grew.

She could not recognize the confused woman staring back at her. 

-

The next day, Sakura walked through the village, every step echoing her heartbeats. She saw them in her head - people who are dead - that have been dead for a long time - causally inhabiting the space around her. They were painted into the landscape so impressively, with hands that clearly paid the greatest attention to the smallest details, that Sakura struggled to convince herself that it was nothing but an illusion.

Maybe it wasn’t.

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the bell-test. Knowing that she would see Naruto and Sasuke was grounding. She was uncertain how she wanted to proceed with Kakashi-sensei test. Obviously, they would pass as long as they preached/acted according to the whole teammates and loyalty concept Kakashi-sensei pretended to care about.

_He does care_ , a small voice in her heard protested, but she was feeling rather uncharitable towards Kakashi-sensei, especially since that stupid philosophy contributed to team seven’s irresponsible insistence on reasoning to Sasuke. Though, to be fair, the whole fiasco had been a team effort.

Finally reaching the training ground, Sakura was surprised to see Kakashi-sensei already being there, on time. Naruto was sitting on the ground next him. Her stomach turned in an unfriendly way as her eyes tracing the line of Kakashi-sensei clenched jaw. She could tell, even from this distance, that his body was taut and muscles coiled.

Tension rose inside her with every step, but she could not pause, her body was moving on autopilot. Words crumbled to dust in her mouth when her feet reached his vicinity. He loomed over her like a tombstone and she left whatever good cheer she had managed to muster today shiver and die.

Her heart was beating so loud she was sure he could hear it. From the corner of her eye, she could she Naruto trembling.

Kakashi-sensei’s gaze weighted heavy on her when he said;

“Sasuke is dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much for all the support! Seeing you guys hyped made me feel hyped and thus this chapter was created. I love to hear what you guys think :D:D:D Stay safe <3


	4. The fun in funeral

* * *

Morning found Sakura fidgeting nervously in front of Ino’s bedroom mirror. She was dressed in black from head to toe and was feeling awfully uncomfortable. It was hard to say if this was because of the tight collar limiting her air, the puffiness of her skirt or the fact that her lace socks were making her ankles itch.

Probably all of it.

Or none of it, really.

From behind, Sakura heard the door creak open, and was unsurprised when she saw the reflection of Ino approaching her magnified. Ino’s long blonde hair was pulled up in a tight knot on the back of her head. It made her look older; her features sharper and cheekbones more prominent without the softening tumble of hair.

Sakura turned her head to smile at her, hoping to ease some of the sorrow clouding her friend’s face, “There is still time, right? It doesn’t start before eight.”

“Its more proper to be early than being on time in these kind of events, “ Ino said in a low, scarcely audible voice. The dim light in the bathroom deepened the shadows around her eyes and Sakura was reminded just how little her friend had slept these past three days. 

“Oh,” Sakura said, “then we should head out soon – if we want to make it on _proper_ time.”

Blue eyes roamed critically over her form, moving from one area to another in a thoughtful manner. In the end, Ino frowned and gestured for Sakura to sit down. When Sakura just blinked, Ino sighed and put a hand on Sakura’s shoulder, pushing down a little. Deferentially, Sakura sat down and crossed her legs.

Ino picked up a brush from the cabinet on their right. Their eyes meet in the mirror.

“You haven’t been on many funerals,” Ino said.

It was a statement, not a question, yet Sakura felt compelled to answer it, “Not recently.”

The fact that most of the funerals Sakura had attended were for people still alive made her feel a little lightheaded, but she could hardly share that with Ino. There were many things she couldn’t share with Ino, and Sakura couldn’t even begin to explain how lonely that made her feel.

Ino smiled at her, without any warmth, and began brushing her hair. A few seconds passed by before she spoke, a faint note of pain seeping from her voice, “Figures. Your outfit looks like you threw together every random black clothes you possessed, completely uncaring if it looked good.”

Well, black was hardly Sakura’s color. It made her look sickly pale and dull. Sakura shrugged.

“You look so uncomfortable,“ Ino tsked, and Sakura was a little startled by the remark. Sometimes, she forgot how observant Ino was, but never had that thought made her feel apprehensive before now. “You can borrow one of my funeral dresses.”

One of her funeral dresses – because Ino attended many funerals. It was unavoidable when you were a member of a large ninja clan.

“Thanks.”

Sakura watched herself in the mirror as Ino combed through her hair: pretty pink locks curling around her little face, like petals around a rose. Her face did something odd, twisting and fragmenting, when Ino mumbled along the lines of ‘pretty’. God, just the thought of making herself pretty for _Sasuke’s_ funeral.

Laughter bubbled up, laughter and misery all wrapped in one. She violently suppressed it, not wanting to alarm Ino. Or her other watchers.

They had been her constant companions these last days. None of her five senses had picked up on them, they were too well hidden, leaving no evidence of their presences. And yet, sometimes, she could feel something tugging at her on the edge of her consciousness.

The weight of watchful eyes decreased inside the Yamanaka household, almost as if her pursuers avoided coming too close to the area. Sakura was uncertain whether or not it was due to an attempt at discretion _(“Clan heads becomes very prissy if Anbu lurks around their house,” Tsunade-shisou had once drunkenly complained_ ), or if the task of observing her were just transferred to Inoichi Yamanaka in those moments.

If the head of Konoha’s Analysis Team was indeed spying her, then he did a unsurprisingly excellent job at hiding it. Sakura had no reason to suspect anyone had extracted information from her mind, but it would be downright stupid to rule it out.

At least her stay at the Yamanaka household had been somewhat useful. When Sakura first came here, to deliver the news of Sasuke’s death to her friend directly and later staying over to provide comfort, Inoichi Yamanaka had seemed surprised at the news. In the three Sakura had stayed, the man had not volunteered any information, but he had hovered closely those times Sakura managed to convince Ino to train with her. Both of Ino’s parents frequently reminded them to be careful and were uncharacteristically worried that they might hurt themselves.

Sakura had mulled over it for a little while.

Since Kakashi-sensei announced her former crush’s death, Sakura had been anxiously searching for more information on how and why and what the actual fuck – because Sakura was fine, and Naruto was fine, and yet Sasuke had somehow found himself dead. He had only received an insignificant portion of a poison, harmless in such a small dose, from a meal they had all eaten!

So, she had not miscalculated the dose. Sasuke _might_ have died while training. Anbu was watching her. An allergic reaction? Something that caused enough disturbance for Sasuke to slip up and…fall from a tree? Perhaps the poison was particularly effective on people with sharingan? If so, there were not enough of them left for Sakura to run a proper study, but she was more than willing to experiment on th-

“All done,” Ino interrupted her thoughts, the tips of her fingers brushing over Sakura’s forearm, “Let’s get you into a better dress, nee?”

If dolling her up distracted Ino from the sorrow she had caused, then Sakura could hardly deny her.

-

Ino held her hand tightly as they enter the tiny temple room, Ino’s mother and aunty flanking them. The pews were not full, but there was a surprisingly large amount of people attending, considering Sasuke was an antisocial asshole with no friends or family to speak of. Then again, Sasuke receiving an undeservingly amount of care and consideration was hardly something new.

The Yamanaka's flower shop had provided lilys and chrysanthemums for the funeral, so, they were granted seats close to the front row. Sakura intended to sit with them, to be snuggled between the crying Ino and the affectionate matriarch of the Yamanaka clan, but fate would have it otherwise.

Kakashi-sensei had been engaged in conversation with the priest when they come in, but just as they approached the front rows, he turned his head towards her. His eyes traced the line of her clenched jaw before leaning forward and holding out his hand, beckoning for her to go to him.

After giving Ino’s hand one last squeeze, Sakura reluctantly made her way towards him.

“This is Sakura, one of Sasuke’s teammates, “ Kakashi-sensei made a dismissive gesture in her direction but did not spare her another glance.

The elderly priest looked at her with very a somber expression, his voice kind when he said, “My condolences, I know how dear teammates are regarded by those in your occupation.”

Shrugging would be inappropriate, so Sakura settled with an insincere, “Thank you.”

“Please child, take a seat there,” the priest pointed at foremost bench – the one reserved for family.

Biting her lips, Sakura complied, sneaking one last glance at Kakashi-sensei.

Sasuke Uchiha had no suitable family left nor an officially team (team seven hadn’t passed the test), but Sakura supposed _someone_ had to fill the role of loved ones.

Glancing around, Sakura noted that funeral was arranged in an almost standard and impersonal fashion. Almost, because instead of a casket, the guest would have to place their flowers around an urn with an already cremated Sasuke. Usually, cremation took place at the end of the funeral ceremony, thus allowing the guest one last look at the deceased.

It takes about an hour and a half to cremate an adult body, less than an hour to cremate a child and about fifteen minutes to reduce a stillborn till dust. Tradition dictated that family members stand as witnesses for that part of the ceremony. Teammates are acceptable substitutes should the deceased shinobi not have family available.

Sakura had desperately wished for one last look at Sasuke, for multiple reasons, the most important being determining the cause of his death. Unfortunately, she failed to find a polite way to force herself along the procedure. Kakashi-sensei had only divulged that Sasuke’s death was under investigation last time she saw him, and the Anbu lurking around her made it clear that so was _she_.

Since the they burned Sasuke’s corpse to ashes before the funeral, Sakura would have to assume that the body had some clues. Still, no point crying over spilled milk.

Sakura sat in quiet contemplation by herself for a little while before the appearance of Naruto – herald by a hostile change in the air and angry mumbling – caught her attention. He was dressed in dark blue pants and an old faded shirt. She blinked, a little confused before she remembered her and Ino’s earlier conversation. It was entirely possible Naruto had never attended a funeral before and without any one to guide him…

He looked lost and sad, caught inside the unreceptive crowd, stumbling forward uncertainly. Before Kakashi-sensei could call him over like he did to her, probably in a much warmer manner, Sakura stood up and waved at Naruto. Blue eyes light with relief when they saw her and he raced towards her like she was a lighthouse in murky waters.

Someone stretched out their leg just as Naruto passed, almost causing him to fall, but ninja reflexes saved him.

Rage, fierce and blistering, pooled in her gut. If she been close enough to see who fucking _dared_ , she would be close enough to put a fist through their head.

She was still fumed with anger when Naruto reached her, but she still forced herself to smile, “Want be to break that losers’ leg?”

A half-confused, half-startled noise left Naruto’s lips, “Eh, no need Sakura-chan, it not a big deal.”

She disagreed, but she would have to take that conversation with him another time. She patted the seat next to her invitingly. Naruto collapsed on it. Despite his dismissive words earlier, Sakura noticed that he was strung tight with nerves. Carefully, very carefully, she leaned against him, pressing her face against his chest and coiling an arm around him. He tensed even more and Sakura didn’t need to look up to know the expression on Naruto’s face; the doubt, the puzzlement, the ‘why are you being nice’.

Sakura had stayed away from him these three days because she didn’t want to arouse more suspicion, a decision she already regretted. She would be there for Naruto for now on, no matter what.

They stayed together like that under the priest’s speech, Naruto slowly relaxing.

Kind sentiments were shared, confusing in their sweetness. The priest painted a virtuous boy; talented, good and cherished. Mumbles of agreement were voiced. Some crying could be heard in the seats behind her. _Let us pray_ , he said, _let us remember this beloved member of our society._

But Sakura remember otherwise. Images entered her head, making her clench her teeth.

A dark night, the soft whispers of ‘thank you for everything’ followed by darkness. Broken rocks, desperate searching, a sword in Naruto’s back barely averted. The sound of chirping birds in a bridge with yet another discarded teammate. Burning bridges and broken bodies and manic laughter and _Naruto_ –

A shudder travel through her entire body.

Sakura remember this hollow feeling in her chest very well, a Sasuke-shaped hole permanently imprinted on her.

_Can you feel it_ , Sakura wondered, _can you feel the glare of my tearless eyes, Sasuke?_ _Watching you as you rest in that urn, praying that your last moments were agonizing._

Just before they had to stand up to place flowers next to Sasuke’s picture, Naruto said, his voice quietly wrecked, “I-I can’t believe he is gone. Sasuke has always been there, around me, you know…I never thought he could just as easily be gone.” 

Sakura exhaled, “Me neither.”

It took her a few second to realize just how much she meant that. More than death and revival, more than the reversing of time itself; Sasuke death crossed the point of believability for her.

Monsters weren’t vanquished that easily.

-

Shortly after the ceremony ended, Sakura locked herself in a toilet stall, flipping down the lid on the commode, sitting down and hugging herself. This was not because of sudden grief or guilt over Sasuke’s passing, but rather a reaction after a disturbing conversation with Kakashi-sensei. No, he didn’t deserve that tittle any more. _Kakashi_ had told her that team 7 was disbanded, _(“Not that it was ever fully formed,” Kakashi drawled_ ), and that they would be reassigned to new teams.

That news would have been upsetting by itself, but of course Kakashi made it ten times worse by saying that he had already found a new place for her, his eyes flicking to the hallway, where the third Hokage and _Danzo_ passed by.

Sakura was not allowing herself to be thrown to the root. The only reasons she had refrained from fleeing the village the moment Kakashi hinted he suspected her for the murder of Sasuke had been:

One: Loyalty to her village and the hope that she could somehow play it off.

Two: The fact that running would be as good as admitting guilt and even if she somehow dogged the hunter nins, there would only be a question of when the words reached Itachi’s ears. She was not keen on finding out if the older brother could reach the same revenge obsessed heights as Sasuke.

Her options were painfully bad, but at least leaving might give her the opportunity to hunt down Tsunade-shishou. Sakura missed her fiercely and still considered her _the_ Hokage. Who else could she trust world-scatting secrets to?

A knock on her stall interrupted her thoughts.

“Sakura,” Ino said, “That weirdo with the facemask is looking for you, something about introducing you to someone.”

_Great_ , Sakura grimaced. If going out now meant being introduced to Danzo, then as far as Sakura was concerned, she lived in this toilet stall.

Ino knocked again, “Hello? Sakura?”

“Fine, fine,” Sakura sighed, pushing open the stall door and practically dragging her feet.

Ino looked tired and annoyed and concerned. Sakura tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sent her an apologetic smile. The blonde rolled her eyes in response, then she gestured for Sakura to follow her. No doubt miffed over being used to fetch Sakura. Swiveling on her heel, Ino marched out of the toilet. Sakura followed closely, a sarcastic remark about Kakashi and his obsession with dogs at the tip of her tongue, but then she noticing something felt – _off_. 

She couldn't put her finger on it, just a vague sense of wrongness hemorrhaging beneath her skin, making her feel like she suddenly acquired unknown bruises with no reasonable explanation. The intensity of the wrongness dabbed off quickly, but it didn’t fully disappear.

Ino’s voice echoed around her, but Sakura couldn’t focus on it. 

Sakura felt like she caught a glint of the strings hover above, twisting and pulling her around.

Subtly, she sent a spike of chakra through her body, disturbing the natural flow. When she saw the world fade away, she almost expected waking up in the battlefield or in a lab with her head sewed back on or perhaps even under the reanimation jutsu. She did not expect opening her eyes and seeing the ground rushing by far beneath her. She did not expect being carried over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Her body felt a small impact every time her kidnapper’s foot landed on a tree branch that he/she propelled them forward with.

Well, _shit_ , Sakura concluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been so busy, but the response on last chapter made me so happy that I wrote this anyway. I hope you guys like it! Thank you for the support so far and take care <3


	5. Gamble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and thank you very much for the comments!

* * *

It took Sakura approximately three seconds to reach a decision – three seconds that resulted in her being carted ever closer to her kidnapper’s destination, which may or may not prove to a fatal mistake. To waste time was often to waste lives, so Sakura had violently suppressed any hints of panic that could cloud her judgment and thought:

_One_

If she arrived at their destination, she may never leave it. So, she had to avoided it at all cost. No point holding back, not when all her secrets would be forcibly extracted from her one way or another if she allowed them to cage her.

_Two_

The shadows cast by the trees were almost short enough to indicate noon, meaning Sakura couldn’t have been under the genjutsu for too long since Sasuke’s funeral ended around half past eleven. Her eyes caught glimpse of moss on the passing trees and she breathe in the sweet caramel scent of Katsura trees. They were heading north towards the periphery in the village. Sakura could not recall any Root bases situated that far north in the village, but absence of evidence was not evidence of absence. Who knows if they missed a few or if Danzo relocated later? Regardless, her best chances of escape would be heading northeast and slip out of the village through the sparsely guarded wall.

_Three_

She could not sense any other presences, but her sensory skills had always been a weak spot. If there were more opponents, she would need to draw them out before striking. Knowledge and timing would have to compensate for her lack of strength and speed, whatever luck she's had in the past clearly had no plans recurring this round, so she had to plan for worst-case scenario.

Sakura made her decision.

One moment, she was keeping her body relaxed and her heart steady and then the next –

“Ugh,” she whimpered almost inaudibly; a miserable, broken sound. It was the only heads up her kidnapper received before Sakura’s body began convulsing.

Sakura scarcely perceived the abrupt descent before she was thrust onto the ground. Vision blurry, she could only see a smooth white mask floating above her. The disorientation – far more potent than intended - would fade soon, but only after it helped her sell the image: Pale and clammy skin infested with swollen veins worming around just beneath the surface. Dilated pupils that didn’t react to light, ragged breathing, tachycardia and most importantly: a subtle disintegration of skin.

The Rootm with a vaguely familiar male voice, let out a string of curses. Furious flashes of hand signs were preceded by healing chakra as the root tried to reverse what he believed the effect of the Himitsu hoji-sha-poison. It was a suicide poison originally developed for kekkei genkai-users, but as cooperation and diplomacy increased between hidden villages, the poison became popular among spies.

The poison was often hidden as tooth implants, easily accessible and quick to disintegrate you to nothing.

Manipulating her own chakra pathways to twist and mold her body functions still came easy to Sakura. Inducing sickness was much simpler than curing it, and Sakura was only stimulating enough to give the appearance of the condition. Still, she appreciated the soothing sense of relief as the pain began subsided. The Root possessed decent healing skills, but even an experienced medic-nin could not stop the effect of Himitsu hoji-sha-poison alone.

And yet, no one appeared to help. It was standard procedure that at least three people assisted when the Himitsu hoji-sha-poison was involved – one to stabilize the affected, one to preserve as much evidence as possible and one to make sure none of others were affected (some versions of the poison could be transmitted).

This Root was alone, which suited Sakura perfectly.

Healing chakra left one very vulnerable for attack from the person you are healing. Sakura kindled a rapid necrosis wave across the chakra pathways of his cerebellum, a highly lethal assault would leave him incapable of chasing after her. It would kill him if not treated within 3-4 hours. Sakura hoped that Root cared enough about their members that it would force some of her eventually pursuers to stay behind.

Sakura jumped her feet and began running the second the Root collapsed to the ground. The sun was hot on her face, sweat dripped downwards and plastered her dress to her skin. She felt unsteady and too hot and too cold and itcy and very, very infuriated. Running up the nearest tree, Sakura felt a little better once she got up in the air, but only a little.

To hell with Danzo – to hell with Sasuke! Root or not, Sakura did not appreciate being forced to injure Konoha ninjas. She continued to inwardly curse them both while trying to make as little noise as possible – leave as few traces of herself as possible. Sakura knew the land of fire well, but every hiding spot she knew about were tied to the village. The proud student of the fifth hokage had no reasons to have escape routes from Konoha.

_Great foresight_ , Sakura almost sighed, _but at least I can look for Tsunade-shishou now._

The stonewall appeared before her and for second Sakura allowed herself to hope, and then a senbon pitched through her neck and she barely managed to growl, “Fucking Root”, before the world turned pitch-black.

* * *

“…-ura”

Pain sharp, hot pain seared through her body. It was all consuming and forceful and Sakura _felt/thought/imagined_ her body curling into something fetal, something instinctive and all the while the pain scorched and radiated.

“..Sh-…-ild….Danz-.. _kill_.”

Something screamed in her ear, shrilling and sharp like a knife through her skin – which already felt too raw and too inflamed and too tight and too everything. She wished it would stop, begged it to stop, but it paid her no mind.

“-ET OUT!”

More screaming and shouting, repeating and echoing around her. Then something odd happened, something excruciating. Sakura had not been able to fully process the pain earlier, it had been too intense to analyze and categorize, however now it transformed to something equally agonizing but clearly opposite. The contrast of the pains allowed her to know that she had been overflowing, because now she was being drained. It was like her bones had been too big for the confines of her skin, so now they were being torn out to make space.

Had she not been so exhausted, Sakura might have weeped from the sheer relief she felt when whatever it was finally came out, but instead of tears, she passed out again, the faint whispers of **_sorry_ **following her into oblivion.

* * *

_Sakura walked silently through the curvings of the dell till it opened into a perilous path along the top of a far-extending cliff. She found Sai perched up on one of the sunbathed rocks there, looking more like a bird than a man._

_His dark gaze lingered on her as she approached, equally warm and wary, and Sakura couldn’t blame him. As the war edged its way everywhere and anywhere, social visits became rarer and rarer, and a medic-nin hunting you down was more often than not ominous._

_Sakura hated that she was proving that true even now._

_Sai had become better at reading others, so he just said, “Ino?”_

_The way Sakura crumbled answered the question well enough._

_“Sometimes, “ Sai said, “sometimes it feels like the world has been lost in flames, and we’re nothing but ghosts shifting amid the smoke.”_

_“That...surprisingly poetic of you,” Sakura said as she jumped up to the rock with him, their shoulders brushing and they shared a moment silence; simply existing together._

_After some time, Sai broke it by saying, “I wanted to be a ghost -- when I was younger that is, after Shin died, I thought it would be brilliant. I could see him again and still carry out missions for the village, I could go everywhere and collect all kind of information, and nothing could hurt me since I didn’t have a body, but one of the instructors- “ Sai laughed without a trace of mirth, “said that our greatest weakness didn’t stem from our bodies, and that if I want avoid pain, ridding myself of my emotions would be more effective.”_

_Sakura wrapped arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder, “That bullshit. Ino was worth ten times the pain of her loss causes. I would rather suffer it than never having cared about her.”_

_This time Sai’s laughter sound more like sob, and his voice was weak when he said, “Still, I finally understand why emotional-based torture yielded so much better interrogation results.”_

_And what could Sakura possibly say to that?_

* * *

Sakura was drifting in and out of it, back and forth, her body the ocean and her mind the tide. It was hard to tell how much time passed, it felt everything around her moved in confusing fragments. Slowly, her brain began picking up tiny pieces of comprehension as it poured over _seconds/minutes/hours._

Before she recognized the hardness beneath her as a mattress, and before the shapes around her formed into walls, and before the dryness in her throat became apparent, Sakura was hit with the most blinding headache she has ever experienced. The pain was throb so violently around her skull that she half-surprised it hadn’t crack open yet. She needed to adjust to it before she could process anything else.

When she finally managed to make enough room for herself beside pain, Sakura considered her situation. She was inside a mostly hollow cube of concrete that was just chilly enough to be uncomfortable, but not freezing. Dust laid everywhere, in thick drifts, giving the impression that the place was a forgotten hole that was not meant to be inhabited. The only source of light was what managed crept in from the double hatch door above her.

Great, she was in one of _those_ cells. She supposed it could have been worse, at least she dodged the smallest variant of it, design more like a coffin than a room. No one believed she had the mental strength to endure that, probably. A fair assessment. Sakura didn’t have a high opinion of her mental fortitude these day either.

Every jounin was trained to endure torture, but she did not have near as much drilling someone specialized in espionage would have. At least she had some of Sai’s tips to fall back on. That had to be useful seeing as it was the organization that trained him that currently held her.

Predictably enough, time passed without any contact from other humans. Food and water appeared and the bucket of excrement was emptied in those moments sleep overtook her. She heard no voice but her own and nothing around provided much of stimulation. So, Sakura trained, she slept and she mediated. Following Sai’s advice, she also visualized, taking refuge in a world of abstractions, making up mathematical problems and performing rapid mental calculation. 

They had placed a Chakra-Suppressing Seal on her, nothing too advance. She knew she multiple ways she could break free from it, if she really dedicated herself to the task, but she doubted her captivators would just stand back and watch her do that. 

Sometimes, when she was in particularly fragile mood, Sakura allowed herself to think about her loved ones. What had her parents been told? Did Ino or Naruto know where she was? Why, why for the love of all good thing had Kakashi, or the Hokage for that matter, allowed Danzo of all people to take her? Surely no one would buy him being enraged another Uchiha bit the dust. You would think he would arrange a celebration for her deed, not lock her up in solitary confinement. Not that Sakura wanted his approval, but the treatment struck her as very hypocritical. Also, she was surprised the hadn’t sent a Yamanaka in to her. Perhaps none were available? There were many other prisoners that had to be questioned, maybe this was the equivalent of waiting line for less important captives.

Sakura tried not to think too much on it, mostly because she felt it more maddening that anything else.

After what might most have been a couple of weeks (months?), Sakura was woken up by sharp light just as she was about tp drift off into unconsciousness. She rested the back of her head against the wall, peering up at a stone ceiling and could barely make out a figure through light. The thin figure gracefully descended, landing on the floor without making a sound. A white owl mask with red spirals was the only source of color on the black draped figure. Even the hair, slicked back and pulled up in a high bun which coiled like a serpent at the crown of the head, was as dark as it could get.

Sakura blinked as he/she/they sat down on floor, green eyes roaming critically over each characteristic she could spot and catalog it in her brain. The person was put together of sharp, angular edges. And Sakura felt almost uneasy as she watched the owl Root lacing their bony fingers together and resting their hands in their lap.

“Hello, Sakura,” Owl said, in monotones, neutral voice.

The sound bounce back and forth between the walls, as if the space was eager to capture any noise that managed to make its way there. Sakura could relate. It felt…nice to hear another voice. Almost nice enough to make her respond, but of course, she chose to stare blankly at the Owl.

They both sat in silence, gauging each other – or at least that what Sakura was doing, the Owl didn’t really give any indication that any time had passed. Still as statue.

“Are you ready to explain yourself?” the Owl asked.

Resisting the flicker of satisfaction that threatened to disturb her features (because Sakura was not the one that broke the silence), Sakura continued to stare blankly ahead. It went on like that for a little while, the Owl asked questions that didn’t really inform Sakura of anything, so Sakura kept quiet.

When the Owl stood up to leave, just what Sakura was waiting for, Sakura spoke. Startlingly enough, her words sounded frayed, raspy; syllables coated in the dust gathering since her voice was used last:

“I want to talk to Danzo.”

The owl flicked away and Sakura was alone once again.

* * *

The next time Sakura received a visitor, she was dehydrated and dizzy – having been denied food and water for an unknown amount for time. So, she when she saw Danzo himself before her, she struggled a moment to focus her addled thoughts on it. He wore an air of authority and annoyance, as if displeased he had to enter such a place. One dark eye observed her derisively.

To say Sakura was surprised would be a gross understatement, while it was true she asked to see Danzo, she had expected she would have to endure some torture before they obliged her. Prove that it would be the only she would talk and so on. She was confidant that she was capable of quickly breaking free from the Suppressing Seal (though that method would give her permanent damage) and kill him in a surprise attack if she could only lure him here, but never had she expected it to be so easy.

“Don’t waste my time if you are not going say anything,” Danzo said.

He didn’t even have guards! Surely, they didn’t underestimate her _that_ much. It had to be a trick – _of cours_ e, a trick. This had to be a genjutsu, it made completely sense. She had enough experience with Suppressing Seal to break out of genjustu, even without access to chakra manipulation, meditation decreases sympathetic overstimulation and genjutsu was definitely an overstimulation.

The vision of Danzo disappeared and in its place a short form with a porcelain cat mask with three red stripes and _purple_ hair appeared. Sakura struggled to keep the surprise away from her face. She knew that person - Yūgao Uzuki, a loyal Konoha Anbu highly trusted by Tsunade-shishou. If she was here, it was on the Hokage behest, not Danzo, which was confusing to say the least.

“Sorry, I’m just…” Sakura trailed off, watching Yūgao warily, “don’t understand.”

“And you dare demand my presence here to explain it to you?”

_Are you ready to explain yourself?_

Odd, very, very odd. The whole day had been odd. Kakashi basically told her she would be reassign to Danzo, yet for some reason she had been put in a genjutsu and kidnapped? Then she was isolated and the interrogation had been very vague so far, never directly referencing her murder of Sasuke. Surely, they had to be certain of her part to have brought her against her own will in the first place. Yet this tip-toeing and the constant Danzo-related genju -- oh, _oh_. 

Maybe Danzo had nothing to do with this or rather; this was all about Danzo.

It made no sense for Danzo to be entrusted with nor hunting down Sasuke’s killer. Anyone would sooner accuse him of being behind it. The Hokage would believe him to be behind it. A young ninja from an unimportant background with hidden skills murdering Uchiha...who wouldn’t suspect _her_ of being a root-member.

Kakashi had been gauging her reaction, or maybe Danzo’s?

The hot, heavy weight of uncertainty began to coalesce in Sakura's stomach as she saw a window of opportunity open. She could be wrong, this was a leap. Yet, her intuition screamed that it was right. But what if it wasn't? Then again, what did she have to lose at this point? Quickly, she searched her brain for every bit of knowledge she knew about Danzo’s treachery, stacking up the chips that she would gamble her future on.

“I killed Sasuke, just like you told me, so why all this?” Sakura asked in a pleading voice.

Yūgao leaned forward, clearly interested and Sakura thought; _jackpot_.

Tsunade-shishou would have been so proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020 is crazy year, is it not? So many thing happening, so little time for what is fun. I hope this chapter was worth the wait and that y'all doing fine. I do love reading your thoughts and it had been a great motivator when I got stuck writing this chapter, so please comment :D


	6. A balancing act

* * *

All and all, Sakura felt things were working out relatively well for her.

Sort of.

Most of the time, she been left alone with nothing but the sound of her own heart beat and rotten breath to keep her company. She hadn’t allowed it to worry her, not truly, for she understood the purpose and therefore it could not be used to hurt her. Still, she had done her best to appear affected – eagerly jumping up whenever someone graced her cell with a visit and subtly breaking apart whenever she was left alone.

Acting was not something Sakura was particularly good at and even if she had been, she doubted she could truly fool the ANBU or the T&I. They had an eye for fake performances, right? So, she had to make it real; it had to be real. Which suited Sakura perfectly, since the line between false and real had never been so _thin_.

Sakura had died and before that Naruto was killed, but now he lived, which was great, so, naturally, Sasuke had to die. Which he had. And by ‘he’, Sakura was referring to Sasuke this time and not Naruto. Naruto was still living. Sasuke was not. Not the other way around, she made sure of that.

It should have been the end of the story, but there it turned out the equation had far too many variables for Sakura to solve it and now the ground beneath her was quickly eroding away. Good thing Sakura had been born with very small feet, much smaller than those around her and they barley left any imprints for others to see. That was occasionally a useful thing, like when balancing on a tightrope.

_(“I-I know it needed to be done,” Sakura sniffed, “Sasuke-kun is…”- a monster, an infectious disease, a fucking –“…Sasuke-kun was a traitor.”)_

Sakura need to give them enough to take Danzo down but not enough to drag her with him. Admitting to having killed Sasuke had been risky, so she needed them to conclude she was nothing more than trusting and silly little girl manipulated into something she thought was for the good of Konoha.

_(“Do you expect to be praised after causing such a promotion?” Not-Danzo sneered.)_

One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other.

_(“I-I di--I just did what you told me?”)_

She talked and pleaded and begged. Confused and scared at first before slowly descending into mixture of desperation and erratic behavior ( _whyamiherewhyaimherewhyamihere_ ). Pacing back and forth. Speaking to herself. Hurling out as many accusations as she could, demanding Danzo let her out, beseeching that he at least allowed Kabuto to take a look at her because she was feeling dizzy and tired and sick and –

_(“Why do you think you’re here?”)_

The not-Danzos, who was Yūgao most of the time and sometimes a dark-haired shinobi, appeared and disappeared at random intervals. Sakura gave them the right answers, then the wrong ones, and then, then, just answers. Anything that could get her out, because only someone with an agenda could confidently stick to one story. Still, she made sure only one of the narratives remained comprehensible and consistent every time she reverted to it.

_(“I don’t know, please, I don’t know, I’m sorry, I-I, did you not get the eyes?”)_

One time, not-Danzo had been Kakashi, looming above her, judgement announced on his tight features before he even asked anything. It was the only time Sakura’s confidence wavered, the only time she felt genuine despair. What if they had decided to execute her anyway? What if this was a mere formality to assert their dominance before the torture began in earnest? 

_(“Are you ready to explain yourself?”)_

Kakashi had looked at her as if he hated her, and couldn’t remember seeing him aiming that look at Sasuke. Or Obito, for that matter. Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum. So, following orders would hardly pass as an excuse in Kakashi’s eyes.

_(“Haruno-san, answer the question.)_

Sakura screamed.

See?

Everything was working out. Why else would they be leading her out of her cell?

* * *

_“Why are you doing this?” Sakura asked,” How many years, how many opportunities, how many **fucking** lives Naruto, must pass before you let this go? I wish I never asked you…it was such a stupid promise, please tell me it not because of that stupid promise.” _

_Naruto didn’t look at her, not even when she lost the battle against her tears and part of her hated him a little for it. Only a little, of course, because most of her hatred was being directed on herself and Sasu-_

_“Sakura-chan, don’t worry; it wouldn’t have made any different. Even if I never had promised you to bring Sasuke back, I would still be doing this.”_

_And just like that, Sakura was twelve again, useless and crying. Naruto was smiling confidently, seconds away from chasing after Sasuke again, and she could not follow. Kakashi-sensei was not here, again, too preoccupied with the ghost from his past._

_“Why?” Sakura asked, even though she knew the answer painfully well._

_Naruto’s smile never wavered, but it never reached his eyes either, “I wanted to bring Sasuke back before you even said anything. I still want to bring Sasuke back. It’s not something I can just stop wanting.”_

_And that was team seven for you, Sakura thought, once we started doing something, no matter how unwise or disastrous, we could never quite figure out how to stop._

* * *

The new room was nice, but only in way that could be appreciated by someone that had been trapped inside literal hole for an unknown amount of time. White walls, an oblong table sat square in the middle and metal chairs designed with discomfort in mind.

Inoichi Yamanaka was waiting for her there, “Please, sit down,” he said and gestured to the seat across him.

The door shut behind her with a quiet thud, and Sakura blinked, struggling to remember the journey here. A dull, diffuse ache accompanied every step Sakura took towards the Yamanka head. Her legs were tired from underuse despite her best efforts to exercise inside her cell. It was not before she reached the chair that she remembered to be pleased, and more importantly, to be angry.

She stared at him, closing and opening her mouth as though scrambling for something to say, the perfect image of a confused and uncertain little girl over her head. In the end, she tried, “Ya-”, the words got stuck in her throat, and she had clear it before she could finish,”-manaka-san?”

Something in his neutral, calm expression relayed concern, but it was so faint that Sakura barely caught it. He gestured at the chair again, so, she obliged by collapsing onto it. Her eyes felt heavy with fatigue. Perhaps she had been sleeping before she came here, perhaps she still was.

The scenery before her didn’t change after she inwardly screamed, _‘kai’,_ but she could not discarded the possibility that the person before was using the Henge Jutsu. Still, it was good that they were changing things, she was sick of seeing Danzo.

“Sakura-chan, do you know why I’m here?” Yamanaka-san asked.

Sakura fought back a smile that threatened to distort her face to something more manic than happy, “I’m not sure _you_ are here.”

Yamanaka-san cocked his head on one side with a slight frown, his gaze fixed intensely on her and Sakura raised her eyes to meet them before quickly dropping down. At this point, even Sakura couldn’t tell if her discomfort was an act or not.

“Then who do you think is here with you?”

Sakura crossed and uncrossed her ankles, “Maybe Kabuto…maybe someone else, maybe this is all a genjutsu.”

Maybe mentioning Kabuto’s name as often as she could would get him locked up with her.

“I could also just be the real Inoichi Yamanaka, just a possibility,” he smiled and leaned back on his chair.

Sakura shook her head, “He wouldn’t be here.”

The blonde nodded as if agreeing, which troubled Sakura a little bit, because that was how the real Inoichi Yamanaka would have reacted. Gently disagreeing by appearing to agree first. And right on cue he said:

“You right, it would not make sense for him to be in the setting you’ve been experiencing. A few questions might expose the possible fraud, would it not?”

It might, which was why it had been Sakura’s plan to do so, but she was very tempted not now. Nothing was more annoying than when someone tells you to do something you were already going to do. She was sweat, dirty and so very, very tired and now he made her annoyed too. So annoyed that she realized that she wanted him to be uncomfortable.

“Instead of answering my questions, I would rather you show me something,” Sakura said.

“Of course, what do you want to see?” Yamanaka-san asked curious.

This time, Sakura held his gaze as she said, “I want to see Ino. I’ll always be able to tell if she the real one or not.”

There. Unease, anger and shame, casting ripples through his face in their wake. A shinobi from a clan would never had been treated this way, not one so young, not someone who barely classified as a shinobi. Sakura was (physique) the same age as his daughter and she was still wearing his daughter’s dress, unrecognizable as it was underneath all the filth. She looked at him and thought of Ino, so it was only fair that he did the same.

Yamanaka-san sighed, looking way older than he should, and Sakura felt pleased.

“Ino would like to see you too, but I’m afraid her feelings towards you are rather hostile at the moment,” Yamanaka-san said, pinching the bridge of his nose, “In fact, that sentiment is shared by many, many others.”

Sakura was sure he was exaggerating. She had been locked away for a while now, so most people must have gotten over Sasuke’s death. It was not like _she_ slaughtered the whole Uchiha, and she wasn’t hearing anyone admitting harboring hostile emotions against Itachi. Unless you counted Sasuke, which you couldn’t anymore, because, you know; dead.

Dropping her head on the table, Sakura mumbled, “I only did as you ordered, please, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

She heard the clan head shift in chair, but choose not to raise her head. Let him see her exhaustion, maybe it would speed things up.

“I’m not your enemy, I know everything must be confusing, but the reason I’m here is because I want to help you. You are not the main culprit here, but the others need a little more information before they can trust you.”

“I’ve already answered all your questions. Again and again and again. Ask Danzo…if it truly had been him any of those times.”

“It wasn’t,” the blonde admitted, and Sakura’s head snapped up, green eyes meeting blue yet again, “and my questions won’t need a verbal answer. Also, I believe my method will prove my identity far more than any questions would.”

Sakura gazed at him in confusion, because that almost sounded like he was asking for permission to violate her mind, which was not a bad thing, per say, but you would think they were past such thing now. The whole kidnapping and mental torture had given her no heads up that her consent meant anything.

Yamanaka-san misinterpreted the cause of her confusion, “You’re not with the root, but at the T&I, I know this all must seem confusing.”

Sakura looked at him for a very long time, considering her options, and he allowed it. Probably assuming she was having a hard time processing the truth. Joke’s on him, he would be the one struggling to accept the reality in her mind. Still, if this was the way thing would go, Sakura wanted one question asked before she was locked away to be experimented or something.

“Yamanaka-san, if what you’re saying is true…could I? The question you offered to answer,” Sakura waited until he nodded before she continued,” What happened with Sasuke? I mean, obviously, he died and I-I, well you see, I just followed the instructions and he wasn’t supposed to, not like that at least, I think…he wasn’t in any pain was he? I know it was necessary but...”

Her voice trailed off as tears filled her eyes.

Yamanaka-san looked at her with pity, “The blood tests from the autopsy revealed an unusual high amount of chakra-related stress hormones, it was originally believed he had driven himself to the point of chakra exhaustion when he was training and that had been the reason for the accident that took his life – beheading by a Fūma Shuriken, then angle of the cut made us certain it had not been an attack.”

It took Sakura a few attempts to formulate a proper thought, and even longer for her to say, “That…doesn’t sound like a reason to suspect murder.”

Yamanaka-san nodded, “There weren’t any reason to suspect murder, but the third Hokage wanted to be **absolutely** certain and Hatake-san thought something had seemed off with you, something about having followed you guys to the team training.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Maybe it had been her tree climbing skills, her passable taijutsu or maybe had seen her prepare the food. The exact reason wasn't important, the important thing was that he had only suspected her. No evidence. She had freaked out. And then –

“And now you have admitted to having been sent to assassinate the village’s last Uchiha by a member of the Konoha Council, as well as having hospitalized two high-leveled shinobis. Allowing me to enter your mind will reassure us that you are no threat, lend credit to your words and refute Danzo’s claim of ‘never having even laid eyes on this so called Haruno’. Do you follow, Sakura-san?”

Sakura nodded absentmindedly, too busy mentally tearing herself part for not keeping her cool and for falling for such obvious provocations and of course Kakashi would have been subtler if he had something on her to begin with.

“Okay, relax and don’t fight against me,“ Yamanaka-san said.

At this point, what did Sakura had to lose? She should maybe stop having revelations while being interrogated, it made the whole experience a little jarring. It made her missing important points too, like the fact that Yamanaka-san had said she hospitalized _two_ high-leveled shinobis, she could only remember _one_. Who one was the other? Were just blaming her for little everything thing now?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt that sharp, hot pain searing through her body again. The feeling of being invaded and _wrong, wrong/wrong/wronge/ronggetout/getout/ **GETOUT!**_

This time, she could identify the screams – hers and the Yamanaka invading her head.

* * *

The good news was, Sakura reminded herself, she was not sent back to that terrible hole. She was in a new cell, one with solid iron bars she could easily see the hallway from. Much more visual stimulation here. Her head hurt, but it was manageable and at least she knew the cause this time. 

Now, if she could only find a way to ignore Kabuto's murderous glare from the cell across her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for all for the support, you truly make writing this fic a joy! I hope you guys liked this chapter, not much happens, but next chapter will be more fast-paced, so set up had to happen. Please let me know your thoughts and stay safe <3


	7. Confusion

* * *

It had only been one day, but Sakura already missed the quiet, madness-inducing cell. Sure, isolation was difficult, but being stuck with someone you hate could be even more excruciating. Suffice it to say, as cell-neighbors go, Sakura could not think of anyone worse than Kabuto. Wait – actually, his current boss Orochimaru, his previous boss Danzo and his future kind-of-bosses would probably be worse company, right? You would think… _however -_

“Haruno-san, I was wondering?”

Kabuto.

“Haruno-san, may I question one more thing?”

Just.

“Why I wonder?”

Never.

“ _Haruno-san_.”

**Shut-up**!

“Haruno-san, there is just more one thing I don’t understand,” Kabuto said in an overly pleasant voice, acting as if he hadn’t been asking the same question all day (he was not a new and creative form of genjutsu torture – Sakura had checked), “what could a fellow clan-less genin such as yourself possibly gain from throwing baseless accusations around? I’ll admit my interactions with Danzo-san have been limited, but I must question how… _convenient_ it is that someone supposedly employed by a high-status man such as Danzo-san to kill a high-profile target such as Uchiha Sasuke, would be someone so obviously unsuited for the task. This feels a lot like a scheme to incriminate multiple innocent persons.”

She missed when he just glared murderously at her.

Slowly, Sakura swung her feet over to one side of the bed and got up, firmly ignoring how cold the floor was. Kabuto turned visibly smug at having finally provoked a reaction. Sakura would take great joy in ripping that self-satisfaction of him soon enough. 

The pink haired woman favored him with a broad, mocking smile, “Look, I’m sorry Danzo didn’t pick you, we had no idea you were so keen on the job, perhaps your split allegiance gave him a pause?” She couldn’t help but to genuinely grin when she saw his eyes widening. Walking closer to the cell bars, Sakura continued, “It’s hard to guess what’s _slithering_ inside your head sometimes, sharing your thoughts might lead to less misunderstandings, ne?”

Dark eyes regarded her with a mixture of surprise and curiosity for a moment before something cold settled inside them as his opinion of her shifted from ‘annoying curiosity’ to ‘possible threat’. It was unwise of her to hint how much she knew, but Inoichi Yamanaka was most likely informing everyone about what he had found in her head, so, she didn’t want to be alone in feeling exposed. 

Kabuto pressed his face against the bars, the fake pleasantly gone from his voice when he said, “Less misunderstandings? I wonder,” - yeah, he had frequently informed her that, and Sakura swore she would find a way to put a permeant end to his wonderment if he dared breath that word again- “every piece of information you share seems to cause only confusion.”

Sakura shrugged, “Maybe you’re slow?”

Kabuto, thankfully, had no response to that.

* * *

“You will be called as a witnesses to the trial before the council tomorrow,” Owl announced three days after Sakura had been relocated.

The two imprisoned medics were both startled at the ANBU’s sudden arrival. Although Kabuto reaction might have been faked, seeing as he was still playing harmless genin…much like her.

“Danzo’s trial?” Sakura asked at the same time as Kabuto said, “Both of us?”

“Yes,” Owl replied before disappearing.

Gee, why bother informing them anything at all if they are going to be vague about it? At least Sakura felt somewhat reassured hearing Danzo was facing consequences. It was hard to tell if her words were affecting the outside when her existence felt so isolated and distant in these cells. Seeing Kabuto had helped, but she hadn't been aware of how much anxiety she was holding before comparing it with the relief she felt at hearing that Danzo was going down.

Trials in Konoha was a Big Deal. Capital B, capital D. They were more political shows than actually legal procedures. A council made of the village’s most important Clan heads would be involved in passing the judgment, a way for the Hokages to show they respected the opinions and authorities of the rest of the village.

Needless to say, that a shinobi from a respectable clan would never be subjected to such a public affair, that would just reflect badly on the Clan as a whole and therefore be vetoed and dealt with in private. The Shimura Clan had, much like the Senju clan, lost many members and therefore also lost political sway since the foundation of the village.

Sakura wondered how the third Hokage planned to avoid mentioning the village sanctioned extermination of the Uchiha as one of the reasons Danzo was suspected. It was something other clans would not take well. Perhaps that issue was a why this whole thing had taken so long?

The pink haired woman continued to ponder for a while with a thoughtful frown on face. She was not oblivious to Kabuto’s scrutiny of her - his gaze on her was a slimy, heavy weight on her skin. Still, she ignored him, hoping it would encourage him to keep his mouth shut.

“I suppose the Medic Corps will visit us soon,” Kabuto smiled.

Sakura gave him a dirty look for his continued failure at keeping quiet. Then processed his words. A mixture of confusion and elation hit her. She was pleased at the thought at seeing other people, especially people she had no reason to hate nor had any intentions of torturing her. And yet –

“Why would the Medic Corps visit us?” Sakura couldn’t help but to ask.

Kabuto shifting into a cross-legged position on his bed and adjusted his glasses, “To give us an evaluation before we appear on the trial. They have to make sure we’re not under influence and are mentally stable.” 

Sakura couldn’t help snorting. While apprenticing underneath Tsunade-shisou, Sakura had spent considerable time with the Medic Corps and had the joy of observing their skills. The years without Tsunade-shisou’ guidance had created a rather lackluster group. Sure, they could handle basic injuries and generally dealt with the hospital work well enough. But evaluating the psych of shinobis?

“The people in the Medic Corps aren't fit to evaluate shit,” Sakura scoffed, her tiredness and misery making her harsher than usual.

Kabuto adjusted his glasses again,” I take slight offense to that.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow,” Why, are you a member of it?”

“I’ve worked a little there,” Kabuto said, and Sakura had no way of knowing if that was true.

“Huh, sorry then, I take it back: The people in the Medic Corps are perfectly suited for evaluating shit.”

Kabuto sighed, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like ‘good for you then’, and lied down on his bed, “We should get some sleep. The trial will most likely be early in the morning, that way it won’t interfere too much with the tournament.

Tournament?

It could only be one tournament he was referring to; the Chunin exam. Surly the third Hokage wouldn’t agree host it while prosecuting Danzo at the same time, it would make them look weak and divided. They would look weak if they declined too, but it was huge difference between looking weak with and without foreign military soldiers inside the village. Or worse, with traitors inside the village.

Sakura bit her lips, barely resisting the urge to pace. Orochimaru was most likely here, if Danzo and Kabuto’s arrest hadn’t scared him off. He could attack the village at any moment, Kabuto didn’t specify how far in the Chunin exam it had gotten so –

“You mean the the Chunin exam? When did that start?”

No answer.

“Kabuto?”

Still no answer.

There was no way he was asleep, so he was ignoring her, maybe butthurt over her comments earlier? She attempted to get him to respond a couple of more times, but to avail.

She hesitated. Sakura wanted to keep Konoha safe, she had spent so much of her life trying to keep Konoha safe, she could not _not_ warn them; her parents were here, Naruto was here, Ino was here and everyone she had ever loved was within Konoha’s walls. And yet, explaining how she knew Orochimaru was here would not be easy and Sakura was so tired from being punished for protecting the village.

And yet..

“Owl? I have some important information to give you,” Sakura said, “it’s crucial that you hear it, it about the safety of Konoha.”

No answer, but this time Kabuto reacted , his shoulders twitching the tiniest bit. 

"Owl?"

Sakura tried again and again and again. She pleaded and begged, but no one appeared. The T&I was vast, every prisoner was not monitored at every second. And yet Sakura could not shake off the dread plaguing her insides.

Kabuto had his back turned against her, but she would bet her medical license that he as listening. After the whole fiasco with Sasuke and Kakashi, she should know better than to panic and prove other’s suspicions before they had anything concrete on her, but the village was at stake here, so, in for a penny in for a pound, Sakura said, “Orochimaru is here.”

The silence become even more oppressive and Sakura began shivering. She was so, so tired. Wrapping her arm around herself, she yelled, “Orochimaru is here! Orochimaru is here! Damn it, are you listening? Orochimaru is here! The village is in danger!”

The shivering intensified until she was racked with deep, clenching shudders and that was when she realized she was crying - crying as if the ferocity of it might make sense of the world again. But instead the world, her small, enclosed world, faded into a blur. All she had was her overpowering despair and she could feel it unraveling her mind. She went from desperately hanging on to a thread, to seeing the disarray strings of her composure scattered around. A painful shock traveled up her body as her sharp knees hit the ground.

Was she insane? Was this all in her head? Had she ever apprenticed underneath Tsunade-shinsou? Was she dead? Was this all a fevered dream as she was dying in the battlefield or had she maybe never experienced the battlefield to begin with. Maybe that was why Sasuke died, because she knew nothing about poison. _Sasuke died beheaded by a Fūma Shuriken_ , a voice in her head supplied, and Sakura hushed it, because that just sounded stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She was so, so tired.

Somehow, she fell asleep, though the night was probably more than half over before the uneasy rest claimed her.

* * *

_The dawn wind plucked at Sakura’s bloodied shirt as she scrambled down the steep track of the forest. Tall, twisted trees blocked out the sun, bathing her surroundings in darkness that eventually bled away until only muted gray remained._

_There was no one around but her and the further she walked the less there was. And yet, she could not turn back – or could she?_

_Sakura stumbled over something – something small, something that rolled away. She looked down and saw herself. Parts of herself, more precisely; her head. She picked it up, studying her bulging eyes and distorted mouth, fear and pain craving her face to something almost unrecognizable._

_No wonder she was feeling so lost, she had been running around headless!_

_Just as she was about to take it on, she realized she already had a head. Odd. Who did this one belong to then? She looked around, but there was nothing. No rocks, no leaves, no grass. Everything was barren. Muted._

_Until it wasn’t._

_It took her a few seconds to process what she saw. Everything was grayscale, everything except for the blood; blood in the collapsed house, blood in the pile of undigested meat and the blood strutting out of the headless body dressed in a jounin attire._

_Huh._

_That was three dead Sakuras, she instinctively knew, three very dead Sakuras. She glanced back at the head she was holding and was startled to find it looking at her back._

_Green, battle hardened eyes narrowed as they scrutinized the not-headless-Sakura and then, it said, “You’re not bat-shit crazy like the rest, are you?”_

_Sakura stared at her other self in horror, opened her own mouth, and screamed._

* * *

Sakura woke up without warning, eyes flung wide and her every sense urging her to claw her way to standing. Her heart was pounding, her mind racing and before stood the Owl; hovering outside the door to her cell like a lost spirit trapped between life and death. It took Sakura’s eyes time to notice Kabuto next to the ANBU, free and looking far too confident. Sakura instincts picked up every waring sign, even though it took her brain time to understand them; he was talking to the Owl with familiarity, his voice low and he had a look of commander assigning his tropes tasks. So, he was not out because the Owl was about to escort them to the trial.

The Owl flickered away, predictably enough, and Kabuto opened the door into her cell.

He kept his distance eyeing her as one would a venomous snake. Ha. Self-projecting much?

“You don’t look surprised, Haruno-san,” Kabuto smiled, “I wish I had the same clarity.”

Sakura stared at him blankly.

He took a step toward her, “We’ll get our answers from you one way or another, and they better be good enough for Orochimaru-sama to forgive you for having drowned his future host.”

Then he lunged at her, Chakra Scalpel ready and no doubt prepared to cut muscle tissues and tendons. And Sakura, well, she had said she a way to quickly breaking free from the Suppressing Seal if needed.

“SHANNARO!” Sakura yelled as she punched the ground and structure around them crumbled like it was made of string and sticks.

They hit the ground of the floor beneath them, rumbles of stone raining around them and Kabuto had to roll and twist to avoid getting crushed before he could even think about attaching again.

Sakura managed to break her fall with her arm, but unfortunately also broke her arm with fall. She supposed it didn’t matter, not really. Picking up sharp looking rock, Sakura drove inside her heart, and just so Kabuto wouldn’t succeed in healing her, she snapped her own neck at the same.

* * *

_“Oh, you’re back.”_

* * *

The fifth-time Sakura wakes up on the eve of her Genin exam, she doesn’t know if it’s really her that is awakening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sigh*, why do I write best in the middle of the night? Thanks for all the support guys, you're the best! I hope you guys like this chapter, despite it might being confusing, and Sakura will think more about Kabuto's comment next chapter. Let me know what you think, i love reading your comments:D


	8. The Act

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! Things have been hectic.

* * *

Take a seat and settle in. The play will very soon begin. What play you ask? The play that have been running here every day of course! She has seen it twice already, or maybe this was her fifth time?

Nevertheless, it was starting now, so, no time to talk.

The stage curtains are drawn and at the center is a small bed. Beneath its red blankets, brightly adorned with pink flowers, is a little girl. She lays in a fetal position, turned away from the crowd, repeatedly whispering the phrase; _"this can’t be real, this can’t be real."_

Not one of her usual lines, at least not so early in the act. A murmur of confusion and disappointment runs through the crowd. Someone asks if the actress has forgotten her lines again, another complains that the performance of the main lead becomes increasingly worse every night.

Spineless, ridiculous, _unprofessional_.

“This is an improvisational theatre,” a stern voice rises above all unpleasant prattling, “So, let us be quiet and see how it plays out this time.” The person then looks at the audience as if to inquire whether anyone had anything to say to the contrary.

No one dared, so the confused muttering dies down, and right on cue, the small girl sits up in the bed with a strange, far-off look on her face. It looks far too world-wary and serious than what one would expect on such a young face.

The light fades.

* * *

_This ~~ **is**~~ not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, ~~**this**~~ is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not ~~ **happening**~~ to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening ~~**to**~~ me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to me, this is not happening to ~~**me**? ~~_

* * *

The stage looks set for a repeat of last night's final; a small pink haired girl in a small poor lit room, adults arguing her fate, and running through the forest and –

_“Sakura.”_

– blood.

The audience is confused, _she_ is confused, but the narrator quickly sets their mind at ease by saying; “lets us rewind.”

A classroom, a desk with blue headbands and two men looking at the small girl expectedly. She performs the task flawlessly and they tell her that she passes the test. She is a genin once again.

New scene.

The small girl is slowly making her way home to celebrate, her face looks somewhat blank, but is hard to really discerned any face expressions so far from the stage anyway. Other unimportant, nameless actors walk in and out of the stage, and the background painting shifts into new locations as the girl moves. Just as she reaches her home, someone calls out her name.

The girl turns to the side and greets the person – a young man with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and scar that runs across the bridge of his nose.

This piques the audience interest, as it has never been part of the play before. The conversation that follows is met with equal fascination.

**Man:** Sakura-chan, I’m sorry to bother you after class, but I couldn’t help but to be a little concern after the exam today.

**The girl, Sakura, a little teary** : Concern? Did I not pass after all?

**Man:** No, no, nothing like that! I was just…you seemed a little spaced out.

**Sakura, annoyed now, yells** : Spaced out?! That does not sound like me at all.

**Man:** …

**Sakura, timidly** : Why are you looking at me like that?

The light fades again.

* * *

_“…she doesn’t appear to be fully conscious, and exhibits signs of being under the influence of something or someone, it good that you brought her here, Umino-san.”_

_“That was my thought too, she had been acting a little off under the exam and I decided to seek her out to make sure my student was okay, but her behavior only made me more concern.”_

* * *

A small, white hospital room. Night has fallen. Sakura is a bed, Iruka and a doctor sits beside her.

**A doctor** : Hello, Haruno-san. Did you sleep well?

**Sakura, hugs her knees and looks very frighted** : …

The two adult males exchanges glances.

**Iruka:** I know this all must seem odd, but I promise we are just trying to hel-

A grey-haired man bursts in.

**Iruka** : Mizuki! What is this?

**Mizuki:** You need to come to Hokage-sama right away. Its Naruto.

Naruto.

_Naruto._

The stage, the audience, the room – everything fades.

* * *

Okay, this is/was the part things become weirder/clearer:

Dissociation could be described as a break in how the mind handles information. It often occurs as a reaction to trauma, possibly as a way of helping a person distance themselves from the traumatic situation.

Sakura knew the symptoms; feeling disconnected from one’s own body and from the world around. Check. Identity confusion, identity alteration, losing the sense of who you are or having it change dramatically, double check. And lastly, loss of feelings and control of one’s body movements.

Going through these facts inwardly calmed Sakura, partly because this was knowledge that she could have only gained after years of medical education that this 12-year old body she was in had yet to experience, and partly because it made some things very clear for her.

One. This was real. She had died multiple times and woken up again before her genin exam. This was not a genjutsu and she had not lost her mind. Genjutsu controls the chakra flow of its target's cerebral nervous system, capable of affecting all five senses, and while Sakura could buy the Infinite Tsukuyomi creating such a convincing world, there was no way it could design such a realistic breakdown from her. 

Oh, sure, many psychological genjutsu counted on its victims’ reactions to the fabricated attacks, but in those cases, the fear, the panic, the anger, ect., would increase and increase until the victim’ mind broke.

Sakura’s mind has not broken. And had this all really been a genjutsu, her mind would not have been allowed to retreat, it would have disrupted the chakra manipulated synapses too much and caused a short circuit. So, this was real.

The second thing she because certain of, was that her last death had not been by her own hand – or rather, her own control. A pierced heart and broken neck. The odd certainty that she would just restart was at odds with everything that she had thought back then. The other deaths had seemed like a far-off nightmare and she had not even considered killing herself because it went against her every survival instinct.

Sakura couldn’t help feeling stupid for not ending that situation earlier now, but back than that hadn’t felt like an option. The life had felt more real than all before, sort of, like it was the first real she was experiencing.

It would be easy to assume that the disconnection between her mind and body had been another case of disassociation, so easy that Sakura almost couldn’t explain why she knew it had been different. The best way to describe it would be to say that one experience felt like watching herself from far away and the other felt like she had been a marionette.

“Haruno-san,” the doctor/medic examined in concern when she abruptly stood up.

Iruka-sensei and Mizuki- sensei had left a few moments ago, ignoring the doctor’s protest that Mizuki-sensei couldn’t just burst into a patient’s room. Sakura had not reacted much, too distracted by sudden awareness of her body and surroundings. When everything felt a little clearly, she inwardly thanked Naruto for bringing her to her senses.

Always saving her that one, wait –

Mizuki-sensei had sought out Iruka-sensei in the middle of the night, asking him to come to the Hogkage’s office, because of _Naruto_. That sounded bad, really bad. She pushed away the doctor’s hovering hands, and her footsteps carried her to the windowsill. The view of village was blocked out by the many buildings before her. Still, Sakura had spent enough time in the hospital to orientate herself. Taking a deep breath, she opened the window and jumped down, the sound of the doctor’s worried cries following her all the way down.

This time her actions were not born of carelessness and paranoia, Sakura had no plans ending up in the T&I again. Graceful, like a cat she landed on her feet, and sprinted forward. Scanning her memories for everything she knew about the incident she was about to crash headfirst into, Sakura began considering her next move.

Mizuki- sensei would do something that would get him branded as traitor, something that would end up with Naruto becoming a genin and making him hate Mizuki- sensei. That was the extent of Sakura’s knowledge.

Logically, she should stay out and let it play out as it did without her. She could not afford to stick out more than she already had, and she would really prefer to gather her thoughts and information, but the incidence with Sasuke made her too uneasy to stay back now.

_Poisoned, beheaded, drowned._

Too many different accounts, either the T&I had been messing with her or something else was going on. Not to mention the loss of control and the odd dream at the end. Sakura was certain she wasn’t in a genjutsu, but that didn’t mean she understood what was going on or all the rules in her new reality.

Regardless, she could not risk something happening Naruto. Everything else could be figured out afterwards. She was not sensor type, but she had spent years by Naruto’s side, and he had a more distinct presence than most. She just needed to focus.

It took her a long, long time before she felt an ink of a familiar chakra signal somewhere at the east. It was too vague to be counted on to lead her to a specific location, but it was a start. Sakura made her way towards it, sharping her senses to pick anything that could clue her to where her friend was. Mentally crossing out the heavy populated parts of where she has sensed Naruto (surely, she would have heard more of the incidence if it had taken place somewhere public), Sakura made her way to one of the village’s many forests. A sense of unease momently plagued her as she remembered how her last excursion into the woods, but she mercilessly squeezed it down.

She was not as successful in managing the immense frustration she felt when she had to take yet another break to catch her breath. Weak, useless body! She set of again the second she could breathe without hunching over, allowing her gut feeling to lead her forward, and was rewarded by the faint scent of blood making her path clearer.

Pausing to take another breather, Sakura made her way as quietly she could. When Sakura finally spotted her friend, he was standing between an injured Iruka-sensei and hostile Mizuki- sensei. Blue eyes glared rather menacingly, and his voice come out as a grow when he threatened; “If you lay one more hand at Iruka-sensei I’ll **kill** you.” 

Sakura, now hidden among the trees, felt a little pleased to see him so fierce, so angry without a hint of the nine-tails aura. No matter how close bond Naruto formed with tailed-beast, Sakura had never been able to be fully comfortable in that sinister aura.

Naruto and Mizuki- sensei traded some more threats before a large cloud of smoke engulfed the area as Naruto launched his famous Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. As her little idiotic began beating the ever-living crap out of Mizuki- sensei, Sakura felt the tension leaving her body. He did not need her help. Good. Getting involved would no doubt bring too many questions.

Now that that concern was laid to rest, Sakura allowed herself a closer look at the giant scroll Naruto had been holding. It had rolled closer to her as the fight erupted and was made of an old and expensive material, that was all she could determine from this distance, but it was also enough to pique her interested.

After making sure Iruka-sensei wasn’t paying attention to her general direction (distracted as he was by Naruto’s fight). Sakura tightly coiled her muscles with chakra and sprung her hiding place, grabbing the scroll in one swift movement and returning to safety of the trees quickly.

Likewise, she wasted no time opening it, well aware that she couldn’t dwell here too long. It took her a few seconds to fully accept that yes, it was the Scroll of Seals she was holding. Why Naruto had it baffled her completely, but at least that explained how he had learned to make shadow clones.

This was a dangerous, dangerous thing to have in one’s possession and Sakura could feel her T&I cell enclosing her the longer she held it. But at the same time, it the scroll with some of the most dangerous and powerful jutsu in the village, sealed away by the First Hokage himself.

The skilled and experienced medical-nin Sakura Haruno had often claimed that she had outgrown the childish belief that powerful and mind-blowing jutsus were necessary to be a worthwhile shinobi, but she had also experienced utter helplessness in front of opponents more gods than men. Before even that, she had grown up feeling inadequate and insecure, always incapable of stretching her own existence enough to fill the world’s ideals of being _enough_.

Sakura wanted power – to feel so powerful that she wouldn’t be afraid anymore. This could be the step in the right direction.

“Iruka-sensei,” Naruto yelled, and Sakura knew her time was running out.

Her memorization had always been an excellent, so she consumed as much knowledge as she could before dropping the scroll and disappearing. It was no point in starting a manhunt to find who stole the scroll, Sakura mind would store the information she needed.

* * *

The next day Iruka-sensei inquired how she felt, and she thanked him for his concern and embarrassedly hinted to have been the victim of a rather cruel ‘prank’, her sensei was not unfamiliar with the occasional instances of bullying she still experienced, and the doctor? Well, Sakura had made sure that he would not only confirm her story, but also attest she had been in the hospital all night should anyone ask.

Which allowed Sakura to focus on her next problem; Sasuke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time sure flies, I've barely to sit down and write and if I'm really unlucky, I will not next the weeks either. Still, I hope you like this chapter! I'm afraid my replies on the previous comments had to be short so i could finish this chapter and not lose sleep. I really enjoyed reading them and appreciate them greatly. The really helped me find motivation to find time to write, so please keep sharing your thoughts with me :D
> 
> * disclaimer: I’ve never disassociated personally, I asked a friend to describe her experience and did some research. Also, artistic license.


	9. Medical-nin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments, they were much needed to find inspiration to write this chapter <3

The introductions, the bell test and their first D rank missions went more or less like the first time Sakura went through them. You know, except that the ‘Sasuke is dying’ genjutsu hadn’t made her faint and she might not have been the first to offer Naruto food the original timeline and she most _certainly_ hadn’t laughed when Sasuke slipped off the roof while chasing after Tora, the most unhappy cat, and a dozen other small differences she couldn’t possibly hope to remember.

Nothing dramatically different had happened.

Initially, Sakura tried her best to act like she used to around her team – eager, immature and superficial as only a young child ignorant to true suffering could be, but quickly gave up when she realized how little sincerity she managed to put in the act. It hurt too much to force herself to completely hide the resilient and astute woman she had become, especially in front of the people that had made her realize her pathetic she had been. Dropping the fangirl act had been a must to stop herself from vomiting and acting friendly towards Sasuke was the best compromise she managed.

And yet, she wanted more. She wanted Naruto to rejoice, she wanted Kakashi to be proud and she wanted Sasuke to regret _every_ single time he looked down at her.

_(Sakura wanted to lock Naruto somewhere safe, she wanted to yell profanities at Kakashi until she tuned blue and she wanted Sasuke deader than dead)_

Fortunately, Sakura had the presence of mind to prioritize her needs over her impulsive wants this time around. There was a lot of questions that needed answers, and she needed to determine how to best proceed, as well as figuring out what exactly her goals were, both short-term and long-term. To keep things orderly and structured, Sakura (mentally) composed a list:

Main goal: Prevent the destruction of Konohagakure and the rest of the world.

List of objectives that need to be fulfilled to achieve this overall goal:

Object one: Gather information about the mysterious Akatsuki member Zetsu and his even more mysterious benefactor.

It had been her goal before Uchiha Madara had cut off her head, the last missing piece preventing what was left of the Allied Shinobi Forces to fully understand how their enemy kept dominating the battle.

That plant-freak had been behind some of their most devastating defeats, yet no one witnesses had been left to explain how exactly. Naruto had suspected someone else helped him, but Sakura hadn’t had the chance to ask him more before – _before_.

Object two: Sabotage her enemies' plan on capturing all nine tailed beasts and restoring the Ten-Tails and well as making sure no one capable of the Reanimation Jutsu remained alive.

The news that their dear village had been set aflame by the people that founded and lead it– the people that had fought and bled and _died_ for its sake, had broken many Konoha shinobi’s beyond what any fleshly wounds could ever dream to accomplish.

It had broken Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi too, albeit in a different way; a long festering wound eating its way through bone. Sakura had foolishly thought there was nothing more Sasuke could do to hurt her.

Nonetheless, as much as it pained Sakura to admit it, killing Sasuke ranked pretty low on things she needed to archive. Then again, she could probably somewhat tie it up to objective number three: Figuring out why the hell dying reset her back to being a twelve-year-old almost Genin.

Nothing she had ever read explained such a phenomenon, and Sakura had read a lot of hidden scrolls thanks to her position as the fifth Hokage’s apprentice. Not even the scroll with forbidden jutsus helped her in that regard. She would need find information outside Konoha, as well as conduct her own experiments, which killing Sasuke might prove helpful. After all, the contradicting reports of his death might be connected to the mysteries of the time-travel-loop. Not mention she would need to investigate her odd encounters with…multiple versions of herself?

Achieving the two first objects required she not only regained her old strength, but also improved the areas she had been weak in. Sakura had come to terms with the fact that she was born with limits that her teammates sprinted past without breaking a sweat, but she intended to gather as many skills and knowledge as possible to arm her for the future.

A month into her new attempt at life, Sakura had improved her chakra-reserves significantly, though not nearly as much as she desired. She woke up at dawn and spent hours meditating to improve her spiritual energy, and the time before and after Team 7’s D missions were spent cultivating her physical energy. Her first check was spent on weights, faithfully wrapped around her waist for 28 days now, and her morning run around Konoha became easier and easier.

She had even managed to convince Naruto to spare with her a couple of times, asking him to ‘teach’ her the Kage Bunshin. She figured it would good place to start, as it was the only forbidden jutsu she could use without drawing suspicion.

Not to mention some of the jutsus she wanted to learn, assuming she gained enough chakra-reserves that the attempts to preformed them didn’t kill her, could not be attempted in the village without too much collateral damage.

Even with these resections, Sakura was in pretty good mood when she met up with her team right before the newest D-ranked mission. Holding a large stack of scrolls in her hands, the young Medical-nin was more than ready to introduce her team the idea of her ‘having taking interest in learning healing jutsu’ and ‘showing them the scrolls she had been reading this past month’. Sakura had been steadily borrowing more and more advanced medical textbooks in order to not arouse suspicion.

It is not paranoid when they have been after you before.

“Sakura-chan!” Naruto waved enthusiastically, “ne, ne, what are you carrying? It’s it some awesome new jutsus? Do you need help?”

The blonde circled around her much like an overeager puppy, and had Sakura had a free hand, you could bet it would have been used to pet his head. Instead, she tightened her grip the scrolls and the substandard ointment she had made, lest Naruto caused her to lose balance.

“Morning Naruto, yes, I would say I’m carrying some awesome jutsus,” Sakura grinned as she sat beneath the shade of the large tree designee as their meet-spot before this particular mission. Laying down the scrolls on one side and beckoning Naruto to sit down on the other, Sakura continued, “I’ve been studying these texts this past month and have made pretty good progress.”

“Hn.” A voice scoffed in disdained.

Green eyes flickered up towards the sound - towards where Sasuke was idly perched on tree branch above them. The same old conceited, disinterest was imprinted on his face, as he pretended to ignore them as if he hadn’t just mocked the idea of Sakura having learned something worthwhile, as if just Sakura hadn’t spotted him engaged in no doubt childish quarrel with Naruto moments before she arrived.

“Hello Sasuke-kun,” Sakura greeted in a tone milder and warmer than he deserved.

She was not surprised when the greeting went unreciprocated and gently hushed Naruto when he began yelling at Sasuke was being disrespectful. Not because she disagreed, but because engaging as little as possible with Sasuke was the best strategy she could think of to not be tempted to violently slay him.

Not yet at least.

Picking up one of the scrolls, Sakura grinned at Naruto once more, “I’ve been reading some medical textbooks, figured it would be useful to know a little about healing.”

Naruto sat down beside her and leaned in to get a closer look at the scroll.

“Healing? Like regrowing an arm?” Naruto asked with morbid curiously.

“Nothing that fancy,” Sakura said a little baffled that that would be the first thing Naruto thought about, “besides that kind of regeneration would go beyond known healing jutsus.”

“Oh…hmm, I’m sure Sakura-chan could figure out a way to do it anyway!” Naruto proclaimed with utter confidence in her.

The ridiculousness of that statement did little to diminish the warmth spreading through her chest. The boy beside her was not _her_ Naruto, not yet, lacking the reliability and astute kindness that would make people flock to him, but he possessed a sweet kind of innocent she hadn’t appreciated when she was young.

She barely resisted the urge to pinch his cheek and coo over how cute he was, and instead told him, more sincerely than anything that had come out of her mouth this past month; “Thank you, Naruto. Encouraging others to great things is a fine quality for a Hokage to have.” 

“Hehe, really?” Naruto grinned, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly and looking away to hide his blushing face.

It never failed to amuse her how shy he suddenly become whenever she implied, she believed he could fulfill his dream. It made her heart clinch a little too, but she didn’t allow herself to dwell on the sadness.

“You’ll make a wonderful Hokage, I’m sure of it,” Sakura said, and almost added that she probably wished to see it happened even more than him.

Naruto jumped to his feet and raised a fist to the sky, “I’ll be the best Hokage that ever lived and you Saukra will be the best, er, the best….the best at using healing jutsu! Believe it!”

“I would love to be the best _Medical-nin_ ,” Sakura grinned, though it would be more accurate to say she would like to reclaim that title.

Naruto nodded vigorously, “We’ll beat up so many bad guys!”

A teasing reply was at the tip of Sakura’s tongue, but Sasuke chose that moment insert himself to their conversation.

“More like you will do the fighting and Sakura will be in the background,” Sasuke said, “Medical-nin are not fighters, but work as support.”

There was nothing particularly malicious or overly condescending in Sasuke’s tone, he spoke the words like he was simply stating facts, expect the faint hints of dismissiveness when he spoke the word ‘support’. Like he couldn’t fantom why anyone would take pride in that. Its infuriated Sakura, but not more than seeing his face usually did, so she just smiled pleasantly at him.

“Not always, Go- Lady Tsunade is a monster at the battlefield, one of the legendary Sannin, and many will say her skills, as a fighter and a healer, was one of the most important reasons for Konoha's victory during the war,” Sakura said, holding his gaze in silent challenge, almost hoping he would dare contradict her.

“Legendary what?” Naruto cocked his head to side.

Sasuke’s expression rippled - aversion flashing in his eyes before disappearing again.

“She is a _Senju_ ,” Sasuke eventually said, and the ‘you’re not’ lingered in the air unspoken.

Indeed, Sakura wasn’t.

It was clearly meant as a discouragement, but Sakura was more bothered by the way Sasuke spoke her shisou’s last name as if it was a curse word. Though, if she was inclined to be fair, she would probably reason that Sasuke’s disdain had more to do with the Senju and Uchiha rivalry that anything personally with Tsunade-shisou.

What a shame Sakura felt more petty than fair at the moment.

Smiling sweetly, she said, “She is! Just like the first and second Hokage. The Senjus _really_ are Konoha’s greatest clan. As expected of our founders.”

Sasuke’s expressions tightened, no doubt thinking of his clan, and Sakura wanted to see him pinched over in agony. Just like she had been, when he told her how he had helped destroy everything she had loved.

“My, my, what an interesting conversation you’re having,” Kakashi said before she could push Sasuke further, appearing on the tree branch next to Sasuke.

The sliver haired man had his nose stuck on Icha Icha Paradise, only sparing a short moment to glance down at Sakura and then up again at Sasuke before seemly returning his attention the porn book.

Sasuke tskd and twisted his had away from all of them, and Sakura glanced down to hide her grimace from Kakashi.

Naruto glanced at all three of them in utterly confusion.

“Er….yeah, we were talking about how Sakura-chan wants to be a _Medical-nin_ , isn’t that awesome?” Naruto tried to catch her eyes, obviously proud to have remembered the correct term. 

Once again, Sakura couldn’t stop herself from smiling at him.

“Oh?” Kakashi said, and Sakura could swear she heard hints of a smile in his voice, “That would suit you well, I suppose.”

And just like that, her smile disappeared.

Suit _you_ well.

Maybe Sakura should not read too much into it and just interpret the words as Kakashi simply trying to encourage what he thinks is a respectable skillset. Maybe she should interpret them as a sign he had been paying attention to her, and that even though he hadn’t seen her demonstrate her near perfect chakra control with the tree climbing exercise, he reasoned that her remarkable reading comprehension and ability to retain information would make her well suited to such a challenging specialization.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Sasuke snorted in agreement, and at that point, Sakura could not interpret that remark as anything other then Kakashi deeming that she couldn’t possibly dream of become more than background support to her teammates with her abilities, or worst, thinking that was her place as the only female in the team.

Cold furry lifted her to her feet. 

The way she clenched her fits would have sent people cowering for cover in the past/future. But for once, the action wasn’t followed by destruction. The was a nasty edge to the smile on her face now. It felt like it should have broken skin.

“I should hope so, I can’t imagine what kind of idiotic person would turn down the chance to learn to heal. Why, what an incredible advantage it would give you in a battle to be able to heal your wounds, to undo the damage inflicted on you. I can’t think of a more useful skill to have against an opponent far more powerful than you, especially since so few shinobi’s possesses such abilities. Not mention how little defense exist against the knowledge and control over someone’s body function a skilled medical-nin has. Learning one way to heal opens up thousands way to _maim_ ,” Sakura paused to breath, and shifted her gaze at Kakashi as she twisted her voice into something more sorrowful, “not to mention I can’t fantom not wishing the ability to heal your teammates and comrades. Everyone in the team should stive to have the ability to help each other, to take care of each other. Say, Kakashi…sensei, how low would you rate a person who thinks nothing of watching their teammates die because they didn’t bother to learn anything besides how to injure others?”

In the months to come, Sakura would come to deeply regret selling learning Medical Justus so strongly after getting saddled with an anxious Naruto afraid to be powerless as his teammates dies and an intrigued Sasuke that was approaching medical jutsus much like how Sakura imagined that psychopathic Kabuto did.

But at the moment, she could only enjoy her teammates’ shocked silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! What an incredible busy year, I hope you're staying safe and have had a good celebration. I really appreciate all the support this story has gotten, and I hope you guys like this chapter.


	10. What did you do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all the support! The sweet comments really pushed to write this update, I apologize for the short replies, but I figured the best way to show my appreciation would be a new chapter!

* * *

The sky had been enveloped in a haze of sullen clouds since dawn, but it was not before noon arrived that heavy rain began to fall. It had been slashing through Sakura’s cloak for hours now, soaking the crimson attire beneath and icing her skin. Her patience was running thin and she was severely tempted to abandon the tree she was perched on to seek warmer shelter. And yet, she knew she would find no peace if she gave up on her hunt now.

Suddenly, Sakura’s ears pricked up at the approaching sound of rubber soles squelching across wet grass. _Finally_ , she thought, so cold and tired that she couldn’t even bother feeling apprehensive.

Or guilty.

Reaching for the senbons tucked inside weapon bag, Sakura’s muscles tensed as she peered into the darkness of the forest. It didn’t take long before he appeared, his dark hair the first thing Sakura spotted from her high vantage point. He moved slowly, lolloping in an ungainly way as if injured. And while would certainly explain his tardiness, Sakura supposed, it also opened up a lot more questions than Sakura wanted to explore on so low chakra.

Begrudgingly, the pink haired kunoichi decided to delay her attack in favor of scanning the area for hidden dangers. She didn’t sense anything beyond wildlife lurking around, but once the thought of ambush struck her, it was very, very hard to shake it off. Shifting her weight carefully in a manner that made her movements soundless, Sakura timed her jumps from tree to tree with her target’s footsteps. As she observed him closer, and probably a little longer than necessary, she realized he wasn’t suffering from anything greater than a sprained ankle.

Still, she continued her surveillance until she as fairly certain he wouldn’t drop dead as soon as she laid a finger on him. No matter how valuable that information would be considering her aims today, Sakura had little faith in her ability to keep her cool if that bastard just _died_ after keeping her waiting in the rain for hours.

A small way east of where Sakura had been waiting for him, a river dropped in close to the hillside, running deep and fierce. Sakura allowed him to reach it, watching him as he cupped water in his hands, greedily drinking it in.

A wave of hesitance traveled through her body and Sakura had to roll her shoulders to loosen her muscles. This was not a spurn of a moment impulse, she had been planning this murder for months, every pros and cons had already been outlined, weighted and inwardly debated to death. There was no need for second thoughts now.

In order to solve the mystery of her past lives, and to properly proceed in this one, Sakura needed to know if what happened with Sasuke had been the T&I and Kabuto messing with her or if her every murder attempt from now on would come with multiple choices for cause of death.

It _might_ be somewhat useful if that was the case, but Sakura doubt any advantages would be worth the amount of suspension and confusion that would bring. So, she needed to experiment. Since Sasuke proved to be too much of a high status target….well, Sakura had been forced to improvise.

After spending the last couple of months rereading and ‘learning’ from medical books that she not only knew by heart but also helped write improved editions, teaching Naruto basic reading skills that every fucking adult around him failed to do and watching Sasuke disregarded every selfless and humane teachings of medicine, Sakura was infuriated to point of murderous rage.

Hunting down Iwashi Naoki - a lowlife genin that spent his free time between missions praying on young civilian girls from poor villages in the Land of Fire, had seemed like a good idea. But that depraved man had not only made her wait hours in the rain, but also dared to clumsily dip his head into the river, looking haggard and tired after finishing a simple bandit arrest mission for the village.

Even if Sakura found a way to prove his misdeeds, he would wake free again, the Iwashi Clan would make sure of it. After all, it was not as if he had hurt anyone that mattered, nor had any of Konoha’s citizens been touched. He was a perfect choice for her experiment. His death would evoke just enough attention that she could keep an eye on conflicting stories, but not enough to cause concern.

Not to mention Sakura would not lose any sleep after killing him, or so she thought.

C _areful, lest you devolve a habit of murdering any Konoha shinobi you_ _dislike,_ a small voice inside her heard warned. Thinking about how Danzo had been allowed to roam free, Sakura wanted to argue for the merits of the that idea but figured that arguing with herself was exactly that kind of unstableness she swore to avoid.

Iwashi lifted his head from the water and used his wet sleeves to dry his face, ignoring or perhaps too slow to realize the rain made any dryness impossible. Sakura held back a sigh and gracefully descended to the ground. The wind carried the scent of the muddy soil beneath her feet. It reminded her of all times she spent curled inside trenches, furiously observing the devastation brought upon by the war.

The reminder was almost comforting – bringing the same kind of relief rage did as its masked sorrow.

Sakura drowned Iwashi, careful to make it look like carelessness on his part and headed back to the village just in time to see her Kage Bunshin finish up her study session with her teammates.

She tried ( _failed_ ) not to speculate how Sasuke's expression would have twisted if she slowly sunk him into a river and watched the life slip away from his eyes.

* * *

Naruto gulped nervously, “Sakura-chan is _scary_.”

After taking a moment to wipe the sweat off her face, Sakura twisted her face towards him, and raised an eyebrow. The blonde mumbled something unintelligible and ran off, hopefully, to contribute to his part of the job and not just gawk at her ‘accidentally’ hurling heavy planks to the ground.

Today’s D ranked mission involved assisting in the construction of a new teahouse. The weather was still terrible, and the owner frequently showed up to complain about their progress and make disparaging comments about her and Naruto. Well, mostly Naruto, but he always managed to insulting Sakura too.

“I’m still not sure I feel comfortable allowing that,” the owner paused as if holding himself back from saying something too distasteful, “ _creature_ wandering about. Think of the effect it could have on this Tea House reputation! “

“With all due respect-” Sakura had once tried intervening, but he had immediately interrupted her.

“They sent me a little girl? Truly, I’ve been given bottom of the barrel today.”

Sasuke, of course, received no such harassment. _Figures two shithead would be drawn to each other,_ Sakura thought when the owner invited Sasuke to join him for lunch. Sasuke had, either out of some loyalty to his teammates or just because of a general inability of politeness, rudely turned down the offer. Sakura’s bet was on the later.

So, seeing as Naruto was tainted by the nine-tail from the Owner’s perspective and Sasuke had apparently mortality insulted him by not joining him for lunch, Sakura was the one forced to interacted with the him.

“Ma, the world is filled with a lot of different people,” Kakashi had said when he witnessed her woes. Acting as if he was teaching her an important lesson on the world.

Sakura didn’t particularly care for his comment but, credit where credit's due, Kakashi did pop up close by her whenever the owner came around to rant. It didn’t really do anything to disprove the ‘useless little girl’ image the owner had of her, but hey, that was what the whole hurling planks in the ground gimmick was for.

At least she could use being ‘exhausted’ as excuse to drop medical lessons today. Sparing her the ordeal of having Naruto and Sasuke over her at house yet again. Not wanting Sasuke over didn’t need explanation, but Sakura was ashamed to admit Naruto messiness and aggravating loudness that never failed to disturb the neighbors caused her the most grief. She prayed for a quiet evening where she could spend her time trying to find out what people were saying about Iwashi Naoki’s death.

Lost in thoughts, the day was finally coming to an end when Sakura suddenly heard a pained yell that sounded too much like Naruto for her blood not to start pumping. She made her way towards the sound in record time and her eyes immediately zoomed into gushing wound on Naruto’s forearm. A quick scan revealed no other apparent injuries.

One thing that set off almost every warning bells Sakura could think of was Sasuke’s standing next to him – _red eyes, a katana dripping with blood_ \- with green glowing hands. She couldn’t remember stepping between them or violently shoving Sasuke to the ground, but the sound of Naruto’s gasp and the sensation of him tugging on her sleeve was clear as day, if only because it reassured her he was alive.

Still, she didn’t take her eyes off Sasuke, and hissed, “What are you doing? What _did_ you do to Naruto?”

Laying on the ground, Sasuke looked genuinely surprised at her accusing tone, he opened and closed his mouths a couple of times before he glared at her fiercely.

“The dope hurt himself,” Sasuke nodded at a bloodstained metal stake at the next to Naruto.

Sakura absentmindedly tuned out Naruto conformations about how he ‘tripped’ and how ‘teme had just been trying to help, not that he need help!‘ and so on. Instead, she watched Sasuke warily through narrowed, sharp green eyes, muscles tense and fingers itching for a weapon.

The eyes glaring back at her were not red, they did not have dark pinwheels in the middle, and for that reason Sakura managed to restrain herself from tearing him to pieces. 

“I was trying to help,” Sasuke gritted out between his teeth when Sakura didn’t say anything.

“Really,” Sakura said, ”it looked you were planning on doing the opposite of helping, considering your Mystical Palm Technique can’t even keep a fish alive, yet you _dare_ to try using it on Naruto.”

“Ne, Sakura-chan, he didn’t mean anything bad,” Naruto said.

Sasuke flushed with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. He rose from the ground and stepped closer to her, dark eyes trying to stare her down. As if Sakura would be intimidated by that marginal height different. They were both ignoring Naruto’s mumbles now.

“Hn. Shows how much you know. I’ve long mastered healing fishes,” Sasuke said, which was bullshit as Sakura witnessed him fail at it two days ago, he continued saying; “I figured this would be a good opportunity to try my skills at humans.”

_A good opportunity_ , he thought Naruto getting hurt was _good opportunity_.

Sakura was reminded by how Sasuke had dismissed medical chapters about pathology as it wasn’t really ‘something he need to learn’ or the times he scorned Sakura’s attempts at talking about the importance of respecting life. They were shinobis, killers, that was a fact. But medical ninjutsu was something magnificent and special, and Sasuke had so little respect for it even when he was learning it. Focusing almost entirely on how he could use it to heal himself and hurt others.

Resentment was coiling through her, ready to propel her towards heinous actions.

Sasuke would deserve it. He truly would.

“I see, “ Sakura said with a carefully neutral voice, even though careful and neutral couldn’t be further away from what she was feeling.

The tension grew almost unbearably heavy when she reached into her weapon bag, fishing out a sharp kunai which she held out between her and Sasuke. It gleamed beautifully, promising to cut deeply. The hint of fear in Sasuke’s eyes his made something warm curl up inside Sakura, something thrilled and loud, and Sakura was reminded of squealing happily every time Sasuke made eye contact with her back in her academy days.

Sakura stabbed the kunai into her left thigh. Before anyone had the chance to act on the utter bewilderment on their face, Sakura reached her other hand to heal the wound. Still keeping staring into Sasuke’s eyes, she said with a saccharine voice, “Here is a tip; don't inflict your shoddy healing jutsu on others when you yourself don't want to be subjected to it, dickhead.”

* * *

Sakura burrow underneath her duvets a little before midnight. She wasted hours circling the marketplace without catching any news about Iwashi Naoki. Making her already darken mood worse. At least the face expression to the haughty soon-to-be teahouse owner when he saw her stab herself had almost been worth the half-assed lecture Kakashi had given them on behaving appropriately around clients. Not to mention Sasuke had been pretty quiet afterwards, even when Kakashi has announced that he found a good medic willing to help them out on their noble goal of having a team with decent medical knowledge. Good to see Kakashi was adhering to his life motto ‘better late than never’ by finding them an instructor _2 months_ after they began this whole endeavor.

Sakura would have screamed into her pillow to get out her frustration had she had the energy. The fact that the Chunin exams were nearing, if talk around the village could be trusted, cheered her up a little bit. But it also made her concern about the whole wave mission, she couldn’t remember which exact day they had taken it, only vaguely remember them finishing near the Chunin exams. Perhaps someone else had taken the mission?

She couldn’t bother to make herself care too much either way. Holding herself together was enough work, and though she was mostly happy with her efforts. No prison, no being eaten alive. She could do this, with a clear goal in mind, there were no one steadier Sakura Haruno. She could do this, Sakura repeated it a couple more times, until she could fool herself to believe it. She could do this. Just as she was about to drift into sleep, a knock on her window put her on high alert. The kunai underneath her pillow was pulled out and she cursed herself for not putting traps around her house.

The sight of Sasuke through the window did little to calm her down, but she still forced herself not to react with her first instinct. Careful footsteps carried her to the windowsill, and she took the time to study Sasuke, who looked pale and pained. As she came closer, she noticed him clutching his hand in a strange way. Honestly, what was up with people getting themselves hurt these two days? Sakura hoped for Sasuke’s sake he hadn’t sought her to heal him.

The second she opened the window, Sasuke collapsed to the floor. Sakura laid a hand on his shoulder, planning to haul him up and out her window, but paused as she felt dampness. Her hand slides up to his face and she noted how cold, pale and clammy his skin was.

Her voice carried a note of warning when she asked, “Sasuke, what have you done?”

The dark-haired boy’s breath came out ragged, and he glared up at her with accusatory eyes.

“You’re the one who said I should test my healing on myself.”

Oh, Sakura was going to _kill_ him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!!!!! I hope you guys like this chapter, I always love to hear your thought <3


	11. You look small

* * *

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

Sasuke’s breathing was uneven, but his respiratory rate stayed below 20 breaths per minute, and Sakura saw no signs of central cyanosis. Her ears managed to pick up a high-pitched wheezing sound whenever he exhaled, indicating inflammation and narrowing of the airways.

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

His pulse was weak and slightly irregular, around 104 beats per minute, and while she had no equipment to measure his blood pressure (she would _not_ use her chakra), the young medic was quickly able to assess the blood flow through peripheral tissues by squeezing the nail of his index finger until it turned white and took note of how long time it took for the color to return.

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

Circulatory collapse? Malignancy? Pulmonary embolism?

Too many possibilities. Sakura didn’t even know what Sasuke had been attempting, nor did she have any idea why he would come to her when it was so apparent that he needed to go the hospital.

But no, against all logic, he was here with her.

_Tick tock._

A long sigh escaped her lips as she shifted her focus to the hand he was clutching. Intact skin, no redness or swelling. Passive flexion, extension, supination and pronation all caused Sasuke to winch in pain, but the wrist’s range of motion was normal. Years of experience allowed her to notice the unnatural amount of chakra simmering just beneath the surface of the delicate bones of his right hand. Palpating the area with her thumb quickly confirmed her suspicions, since it caused Sasuke bit his lip to hold back a scream.

“A broken bone…you’ve endangered your life trying to heal an _itty-bitty_ broken bone,” Sakura said and ran a hand through her hair, “you are disturbing my sleep instead of going to an actual hospital because you were too impatient to wait 2-3 days for a such a small injury to heal by itself. What is _wrong_ with you?”

To Sasuke’s credit, he looked faintly embarrassed, but not nearly as much as he should be. He opened his mouth to say something – something unpleasant if the glare he shot her beforehand could be trusted, but a shudder went through his body and he dropped forwards. The sharp bones of his knees dug into her thighs, and Sakura instinctively placed her hands his shoulder to stabilize him.

His trembling body was slick with sweat and Sakura was all that kept him upright as he gasped and heaved for breath.

“I don’t want to,” Sasuke hissed,” go _there_. Just help me.”

He demanded it as if she owed him to try.

_I can kill him_ , Sakura seriously considered, but that was nothing new, not even for today. What followed, on the other hand, was more alarming: _I can **hurt** him. I can serve his vocal cords, not even allowing him the relief of screaming as I tear his flesh piece for piece – _grotesque images; peeled skin and ruptured organs and intestinal neck rings and – _I could gouge out his eyes, pour scorching liquid inside his ears, and,_ _and_ -

“Sakura?” Sasuke interrupted her thoughts, his voice sounded impatient and anxious and everything in-between, “can you help me?”

_How peculiar_ , Sakura thought as she watched him struggle for breath. She had seen Sasuke in much worst perils before, but she couldn’t remember ever seeing him this _small_. He certainly hadn’t acted this young in her memories, always so cool and collected, appearing years older than Sakura.

He looked like a lost twelve year old boy now. Perhaps it was because he had been all alone in the Uchiha district, among the ghosts of his lost family, feeling his chakra tear his body apart. Perhaps it had shaken him, made him think he that he would die there. He looked like he was afraid to die.

Her hands ( _since when_?) were cupping his face and her fingers caressing the shallow hollows of his cheeks. It was hard to gauge which one of the was most unsettled by her action. Both of them eyed each other with considerable uneasy.

Awkwardly, she drew back her hands and cleared her throat, “I’ve been trying to check just how badly you’ve messed up.”

With a pale and frowning face, Sasuke decided to ignore her odd behavior and asked, “And what is your assessment?”

A traitorous part of her felt pleased by the expectant look Sasuke leveled her with, the implied trust in her competence was flattering, especially considering how much of her skills she had hid from him. If only it didn’t make her feel burdened as well. She hated that she needed to remined herself to continue exploring the idea of just letting him die.

Aggravated, she bit her lower lip and looked away from Sasuke, weighing the pros and cons. It didn’t take much thinking before she realized Sasuke’s death would cause far more trouble than she needed.

There was no rush, she would have plenty of opportunities in the future, opportunities where she wouldn’t be the primal suspect. Sure, there was plenty of plausible deniability in this case, Sasuke did this to himself after all and…well, all she would need to do was prevent him from seeking help - no, she couldn’t take the chance. The fate of Iwashi Naoki was still unconfirmed, meaning she still didn’t know how death worked in odd reality. Visiting the T&I once was already far too many times for Sakura’s taste.

She would have to play this cautiously.

Sourly, she began saying, “My assessment,” but paused when he eagerly leaned closer to her. His proximity irked her to the point she became very tempted to punch him, only resisting because she was certain it would cause him to collapse. So, instead, Sakura settled for not-so-gently poking his forehead, “My assessment is that you are incredibly **foolish** , what kind of idiot thinks it’s a good idea to experiment with medical jutsu? Of course, we need to go to the hospital. How els- Sasuke, are you listening to me?”

He stared at her with wide eyes, and his face twitched through a few different expressions before he managed to say; “Y-You!”

In silent bewilderment, Sakura watched him scramble away from her with a speed that made her worried he picked up some of her malevolent thoughts. His hands flew towards his face, though only his left hand made it, seeing as moving his right arm pained him too much. He guarded his forehead and glaring fiercely at Sakura, he sneered, “Don’t do that.”

Sakura blinked.

_Okay._

Raising a fist, she knocked him unconscious.

* * *

_A gentle rain fell upon them from the sky, but Sakura barely noticed, focused as she was at the task of sharpening her weapons. The repetitive motion was calming, and Sakura felt more like herself the longer she continued. The peace didn’t last long as her companion asked:_   
  


_“Are you in love him?”_

_Sakura snorted in a very unladylike manner. Now that was words she never expected to hear coming out from Hanabi Hyuga lips, especially not while they were isolated deeply in enemy territory. The younger girl had been so quiet the last few hours that Sakura had half-suspected she had fallen asleep, and yet her voice sounded as clear and alert as always._

_“Is this really the best time for a girl talk?” Sakura arched an eyebrow, momently pausing the work of sharpening her kunais, “Which ‘him’ are we even talking about? Wait…this isn’t some misguided attempt at protecting your sister, is it? Because Naruto is like a bro-“_

_“I meant Sasuke,” Hanabi turned her gaze at Sakura, even though the byakugan made it unnecessary, “I want to know if you’re still in love with Sasuke.”_

_Heavy silence descended as the two-woman stared each other down. The pink haired kunoichi didn’t want to dignify the question with an answer, not when she knew that nothing she said would change what Hanabi believed to be the truth. The purpose of this question was to gauge if Sakura was ready for what needed to be done, if she was ready to hold her old teammate accountable for his crimes._

_Last time Sakura had hunted Sasuke down, she had hesitated, and now rumors of a destroyed Konoha had infected their army._

_“In love? Do you think my heart has any room left for such a feeling anymore?” Sakura smiled without any warmth._

_Hanabi shrugged, as if to say she didn’t care for Sakura’s heart, and her voice was unforgiving when she said, “I suspect you’ll make room for it, if Sasuke gives you an excuse.”_

* * *

The medical personal of Konoha Hospital had no idea what an enormous favor Sakura had done them by knocking Sasuke out and saving them from having to interact with him. If she had known she would be forced to stick around to reiterate what she believed had happened again and again she certainly would have endured Sasuke a little longer.

Unfortunately, Sasuke’s orphan status meant that his teammates were his emergency contact, and since Kakashi was difficult to get hold of, the personal assumed Sakura wanted to keep Sasuke in company. After a multiple failed attempt to weasel her way out of it, Sakura gave up and slouched unhappily at the chair next to Sasuke’s bed.

The medic responsible for Sasuke was hesitant to divulge their findings with her, but she picked up enough to realize that while their initial treatment had been enough to save Sasuke’s life, the state of his right hand was still undetermined.

_It would serve you right_ , Sakura thought, _not being able to use your hand._

“Would you like some tea?” One of the nurses asked, a sweet older woman who looked like she was barely resisting the urge to pinch Sakura’s cheeks. The pink haired girl appreciated her restraint, not sure she would be able to take the mortification if the woman gave into her desire. 

“I would love some, thank you very much for offering,” Sakura bowed her head respectably.

The woman patted her head, “Good, good. You look dreadfully pale! I’m certain your young friend will be fine, so be sure to take care of yourself.”

Sakura fixed a polite smile on her face and thanked the woman again. Silence descended when the nurse finally left, leaving Sakura alone with Sasuke and her thoughts. Last time she sat by his bedside and waited for him to wake up, worry had relentlessly been gnawing at her, but now only resentments festered.

Just like back then, Sasuke looked so small and fragile.

A strange feeling crawled up her throat when she remembered Sasuke unconsciously grabbing her hand while they were transporting him to this room. His grip had been so weak Sakura had no issue freeing herself from it, but the unease she had felt still lingered.

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

She had done well, all things considered, and could continue as planned. There were still so many things that she needed to accomplish. What happened with Sasuke tonight shouldn’t affect her too much, who knows, maybe he would end up permanently disabled thus eliminating the need to kill him.

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

What an infuriating sound, her eyes scanned the room, easily locating the hospital standard clock at the center of the room. She wondered if anyone would notice if she took out the batteries, most likely not, but then again, she could easily ignore it.

Her nails dug into her forearm, and she wondered how long she been hugging her knees to her chest. She stood up to stretch her legs and went to the window to gaze out at Konoha. It was beautiful, almost just as she remembered it. Last time she had really taken the time to enjoy the view from the hospital had been a little before the war. Ino had been with her, at least that was the way Sakura remembered it.

Ino.

Sakura hadn’t really allowed herself to think about her. A part of her still felt a little raw after meeting Inoichi Yamanaka at the T&I, she wasn’t sure she could interact normally with him, so she avoided the house all together.

But she had gone off topic, Ino had been with her last time, or maybe not, at least she was certain Hanabi had accompanied her when she looked at the ruins of Konoha. They had both been so horrified, so crushed. Sakura wasn’t certain why she was remembering this now, or why Hanabi’s words haunted her. It had been years since they had that conversation.

_Tick tock._

_Tick tock._

This was actually kind of funny, if you thought about it, Sakura had worked hard to restrain herself from killing Sasuke these past months, so hard in fact, that she forgot how difficult it had been to make herself want to kill him in the first place. Or how desperately she had wanted him to return to them. They really gave him so many chances, hadn’t they? In way, it had tied Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi together, for who else could understand their obligation to Sasuke?

Sakura her feet carried her to his bed, she crawled onto it and lay down beside him. Green eyes watched his chest rise slowly and sink, sleep soften his features and thought to herself; he didn’t look like someone who would cause the world so much pain.

Would this image show up in her mind the next time she raised her hand to kill him?

_“Sakura, you’re heavy.”_

_“Sakura…who did this to you?”_

_“Thank you.”_

  
Would it cause her to hesitate? Was her resolve already weakening?

_“Sakura, you’re heavy.”_

_“Sakura…who did this to you?”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“Can you help me?”_

A familiar hollowness chewed at her insides. The mixture of shame and pain that meant Sasuke to her as surely as the smell of disinfectant, the sound of Naruto’s voice and the swirl of the leaves meant Konoha.

“Sakura?” Sasuke mumbled confused as his eyes fluttered open, still half-sleepy with pain medication.

_Tick tock._

_Tick-_

Oh.

It was _her_ was that was ticking.

“Sak-!”

Placing a pillow over his face and pressed down hard, Sakura didn’t leave Sasuke enough breath to speak. He struggled weakly, incapable of defending himself, his hand barely able to reach her elbow. It reminded her of when he tried to grab her hand, and it made her even sicker this time.

  
She was hunched over him, arms shaking and tears forming but never falling. Eventually, Sasuke stopped moving, but Sakura continued pressing down a little longer to be sure.

Never would she ever make room for Sasuke in her heart again, if she so had to tear it to pieces to make sure of that, then so be it. It was a price she was willing to pay.

A cup shattered on the floor, but Sakura didn’t give the nurse a chance to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really fought me and I'm not sure I'm pleased how it turned out, but, oh well. I hope you guys like it, let me now what you think in the comments, I love reading them :D Also, still crossing my fingers that 2021 calms down.


	12. On the run

* * *

Call it pride or plain stubborn stupidity but killing herself _right_ after ending Sasuke reeked too much of a sappy love drama for Sakura’s taste. Perhaps that was a strange thing to focus on, but then again, her mind could shift to far more concerning directions if she allowed it, such as ‘should I really be doing this?’. Of course, ‘this’ thing she shouldn’t be doing wasn’t even clearly defined in her head. She had already knocked out the nurse, shut the door and begun cleaning away the broken cup. Sasuke was dead, which inconvenienced her in a lot ways, but stubbornness demanded that she didn’t treat it as such a big deal. After all, there was no real reason Sakura couldn’t continue on with her very solid plan.

Protecting Konoha as a hated Uchiha-murdering missing-nin worked out relatively good for Itachi, hadn’t it?

_Oh fuck_ , Sakura inwardly cursed as she rolled the knocked-out nurse underneath Sasuke’s bed, _let us not think about Uchiha Itachi right now_.

Indeed, the fear of the T&I was more than enough for the moment. Her hands blurred through an assortment of handsigns that concealed the woman under a genjustu that hopefully wouldn’t be seen through too fast. It would buy Sakura some time, but not nearly as much as she would need. However, if Sakura were to _kill_ the nurse then… well, with no witness to explain what happened, it would take the investigators considerably longer time before they decide to hunt _her_ down.

Sakura could even leave a shadow-clone behind, allow it to answer whatever questions she would have been brought into answer, no wait, terrible idea. The young medic-nin would need all the measly chakra she had in order to put as much distance between herself and Konoha. Not to mention how much quicker they would suspect her if her shadow-clone disappeared before their eyes. 

Killing the nurse, on the other hand, was probably a decent idea, well, not _morally_ perhaps, but a quick glance at the dead twelve-year-old murdered by her hands made it pretty obvious that Sakura wasn’t acting in manner most people would define as ‘morally right’. It didn’t mean her actions were _wrong_ , if one looked at the greater picture, it would be equally obvious that Sakura was doing what was necessary to protect – no, to **save** the world. 

Yes.

The nurse needed to die in order to improve Sakura chances of saving the world. It was a necessary sacrifice, and if Sakura failed to properly honor it by succeeding this timeline, then the nurse's death would just be temporary anyway, right? _Exactly_. Sakura nodded to herself and crawled under the bed, the genjutsu kept the woman invisible, but Sakura could still touch. For a few second, she rested a hand on the face of the woman whose only sin was being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the woman who kindly offered her _tea_. Somehow, Sakura managed to make herself move her hand over the woman’s head, fingertips infused with chakra, and like a surgeon, steady and precise, Sakura cut and sliced the nurse’s brain. Just to be certain.

When she crawled out, she couldn’t help but to feel bad for going overboard. So, for fairness sake, she did the same to Sasuke. Also, since she was at it, she sliced his heart too, it’s not like he used it much when he was alive anyway.

Stumbling backwards, she ran a hand through her hair and thought, _oh kami, I really need to stop wasting chakra_.

Which again, might seem like an odd thing to focus on, but _fuck it_ , she needed to get out here, pronto.

She leapt out of the window.

* * *

In hindsight, Sakura came to realize while packing weapons and food for her flight, she could have taken the nurse with her and locked her somewhere in the village. That way, no one would have found and interrogated the woman before at least morning. It wasn’t a particularly brilliant plan. Sakura would waste precious time looking for good a location, not to mention she would risk being spotted, and the woman might be found too early or late and a million other flaws that did nothing to lessen the nauseating guilty that threatened to crush Sakura beneath its weight.

She - she didn’t have _time_ for this, coming back to her house had already been a dangerous move, however it was not like she could have fled the village with nothing but her pajamas. It was not the time to be second guessing herself. And yet Sakura wasted more time rockin back and forth on her heels, taking slow, even breaths until the heavy weight in her chest waned enough for her to stand up. Speaking of weight, Sakura slipped a hand beneath the dark tank she had changed into and took of the weight around waist. She didn’t allow it to fall to the ground and cause a ruckus, instead she walked over to her desk and laid it there. Her body felt lighter, but her mind didn’t.

For some reason, her eyes were drawn the notebook at the right corner of her desk. She stared at it for a little while before she managed to identify the feelings swirling insider her; longing, regret and resentment. She wanted to leave behind a message. An apology, to her parents for the mess that would follow, the suspicion and animosity that would fall on them. Would they be ashamed of her? Or maybe they would refuse to believe she could have done such things. Not their little girl. Alternatively, she could write an explanation to Naruto ( _and_ _Ino_ ), so they might understand. Maybe it would be enough for them to eventually forgive her.

Picking up a pen, Sakura began writing, then striking-out the words, and then repeat again and again until the whole paper turned to a clustered mess. A frustrated sigh left her lips and she ripped out the paper and throw it away. Her next attempt went equally bad, so she threw away that paper too. A pile of crumpled papers grew around her as she desperately attempted to get it right, until only one page remained. Her pen hovered over the paper once again, uncertain and so sick of writing down botched apologies and explanations, maybe that was why something entirely different unraveled. Sakura hands moved almost as if possessed, writing down words before thoughts had time to fully form. Her growing aggravation caused the pen to pierce through the paper many times. In the end, Sakura felt drained, and a little mortified when she read what she had written. A part of her wanted to tear it to pieces or burn it so no one ever found it.

And yet, she let it be and tried not to dwell on what Kakashi would think if the letter made its way to him.

* * *

_I’m starting to become tired, even though I know I can’t afford to be it, not yet. There are things I need to do, things that needs to be done, and what happened to Sasuke was one of them. I had no choice. I don’t really know why I’m writing this to you. You'll probably think this is nothing but an excuse, and there is no excuse for what I’ve done, right? ‘In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, that's true, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash.’ That’s one of the few things you taught me, and I wish you hadn’t. It caused me more harm than good, because I still struggle to leave behind the things that I should while knowing little about how to truly be there for those I want._

_I keep messing it up, this and that and the writing and everything. I have lost so much, and I’m trying to protect what’s left, even though it doesn’t feel like it quite mine. Do you ever feel thais way? T_ _here are so many things I don’t know about you; I only have shallow conversations, disappointed expectations and biased judgments of actions I’ve never really understood why you choose. I guess that’s all you have left of me too. It makes me wonder, maybe, just maybe, if you would understand me if I explained it to you._

_And it makes me wish you could have been someone I could talk to, Kakashi-sensei._

* * *

Sakura passed through the gate of Konoha without any hindrances and for a few sweet seconds, relief was all she could feel. She felt again when she finally succumbed to sleep after running non-stop for three days and no cell wall appeared when she opened her eyes. And then again, when she found a cave to sleep in, and after the first full meal she eats in a shabby ramen stall somewhere in distant part of Fire land, and again when she was finally out of the land her village resided in.

The brief moments where the storm of negative feelings stilled long enough for Sakura to _almost_ feel safe became more and more frequent the further away from Konoha she came. Surprisingly enough, she never saw any hints of anyone pursing her outside of the horrifying scenarios playing inside her mind. Sometimes, it brought more fear than comfort, because surely, things couldn’t be going this smoothly. What if she had already been captured? What if she had never escaped? Leaping through trees, sleeping inside dark caves, keeping her head down and walking through small towns, Sakura couldn’t stop herself from wondering; _what if_. Once again, she speculated if she was caught in a genjutsu, putting her hands together and whispering “Kai” multiple times didn’t shake off her doubts completely. Still, her thoughts might lean towards suicide more often than what anyone would consider healthy, but Sakura could at least confidently say that maiming herself again didn’t strike her as a good idea.

So, progress.

A few weeks after escaping Konoha, Sakura was not only sore from sleeping restlessly on hard ground, but also dangerously close to getting a cold after being exposed to rain and winds the last couple of days. Thankfully, she had packed warmth clothes, and the bag she had stored them in was sufficiently waterproof. But no sun meant drying her clothes was a slow affair and she didn’t dare starting a fire. She hesitated to visit a town for more supplies, the constant rain kept washing away the mud she had smeared over her hair, thus revealing the all too eye-catching pink hair. Normally she would have just used a cloak, but it got tore to pieces when she almost plunged to the ground in her sleep-deprived phase of this little expedition.

Moreover, she was utterly exhausted from toughing out the least trafficked routes of wild forest terrain and increasingly stressed after almost running afoul of four different groups of Konoha shinobis. Her body was reaching its absolute limit, unused to such extreme pressure. She would need to rest properly before she started to dip into reserves her body needed to live.

A plan, half-baked and desperate, kept her going three more days until she reached a cheap inn. Disguising herself as an unremarkable man in his thirties with the Henge no Jutsu, Sakura rented a room for a couple of days and tried her best calm her nerves, which was difficult considering just how close to Amegakure she was. She laid tossing and turning in bed that felt too soft, and the night was more than half over before any sort of uneasy rest claimed her.

* * *

_She looked for the bodiless one, not wishing to be alone, not after spending so much time in the cell. The others were difficult to speak to, even when they weren’t reenacting their death. The head was angry, rude and dismissive, but she was as close to normal anyone got here._

_Wherever here was._

_A place for broken things perhaps. She stumbled once again and mumbled a few curing words. It was very hard to move forwards when your neck was twisted, adjusting one’s eyes was taxing._

_If only she could find some company._

* * *

Sakura woke up with an uneasy feeling of...otherness, which she choose to ignore to focus on the present. If something could be learned from killing Sasuke, besides not doing it in hospital where there were plenty of potential witnesses, it was that something would _eventually_ mess up her plans. The world was conspiring against her, or at least it felt that way. And by the world, she mostly meant herself, since to be fair, her actions had caused most trouble. So, the days on run had occasionally given her time to think, and the conclusions she had drawn from the short moments of reflection was that she needed to make the most out of the time she had before something else went wrong.

And with that reasoning, Sakura went as close to Akatsuki’s main base as she dared. Okay, obviously joining the Akatsuki was unrealistic, even if one ignored her current subpar fighting abilities. Itachi would kill her, no hesitance. Besides, Sakura wasn’t too interested in Pain’s Akatsuki anyway. Tobi, or Obito Uchiha, was the one she needed to survey. The plant-guy seemed to be close to him, so she would be killing two birds with one stone that way. Of course, she had no idea where either of them was at this point of time but wasn’t an issue. She needed time to build up her strength before she could go after them. Being close by Amegakure served two purposes, keeping a close eye at the activities of the members and giving her the perfect subject to use one of the forbidden jutsus she learned.

After three months lurking and experimenting, Sakura felt ready. Also, the whole ‘moving past maiming herself’? Well, forget that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the all the support! It brings me so much motivation, I hope you guys like this chapter :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hoho, so first Naruto fic! Please let me know what you think? Reviews fuel me and pushes me to write, so please let me know your thoughts! I'm very curious if anyone else find this idea interesting too :D Time travel is a overused trope (I mean even Boruto is using it!), but its a lot of fun.


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